Final Stretch of MA

It's been a ridiculously long time since I've posted anything here. It feels like a lifetime, to be honest. That's because this whole time I've been focused on completing my MA. 

I'm very close to the end and feeling...

To be honest...

Feeling...

Unhappy.

No, not unhappy. That's like saying I'm disappointed in myself. Or the system. Or a person.

I'm not unhappy. I'm angry. My feelings are not passively sad. I'm pissed.

The other layer of it is sadness. I'm sad. This is not the same as unhappy. I'm not passively lacking happiness, I'm actively upset.

It's not even directed at a person, an institution, or a system. At least not entirely. It's...

It's definitely not directed at myself.

Maybe it's directed to corpus linguistics in general? I'm not sure.

The closest thing this feels to is when I was madly in love with a guy who was apathetic about me. I found out later that this wasn't quite true in his mind, but it was very true in his actions. It was a terrible combination. The more he ignored me, the harder I tried to get him to pay attention to me. It involved massive amounts of time, driving, conversations, texting. It was like I was a pathetic dog constantly begging for whatever table scraps would be discarded.

He was unkind. I was neglected. It was painful for way too long, until I put an end to it.

My MA was similarly unkind. I'm not sure if that makes sense. *I* have been neglected for a while now. This is so stupid to say when it's been everyone in my family busting their butts to support me to finish this degree.

I'm very tired. More later.

What does ministry mean? Alma 39:16

What does ministry mean? Alma 39:16

Alma reminds Corianton that he was called to a specific "ministry." His job was, and apparently still continued to be, to declare the gospel of Jesus Christ to the people in order that they could receive salvation and prepare the minds of their children so they would be ready when Jesus Christ came to them.

This sounds like a good mission. 

Answer:

I think ministry here means calling or mission. I think it's a similar mission to most missionaries today.

What does it mean to "cross yourself"? Alma 39:9

What does it mean to "cross yourself"? Alma 39:9

Alma tells his son Corianton to cross himself in the lusts of his eyes and his sins. 

Danny and I think that the more you think about this phrase, "cross yourself" the less it makes sense. When you just read it on a surface level, you can intuit what it means. It means to guard yourself, to put a barrier between you and x. But when you think about it more closely, it starts to sound strange. 

Corianton had not repented yet, then? Alma 39:7

Corianton had not repented yet, then? Alma 39:7

Alma says, "I wish that you had not been guilty of such a sin. I wouldn't dwell on your sins, to hurt you, if it weren't for your own good." 

It seems that it's possible that Corianton was in a state where he may have actually started to repent. That his father seemed to think Corianton would feel guilt after his sins were discussed at length seems to suggest that he was still able to feel sorrow for them. His heart was not so hardened that he had lost all feeling and desire to repent.

Guilt is a terrible feeling, but it is also a blessing. It points us towards change. I think that maybe Corianton was in a state where he was a bit lost - torn between two sets of desires. It was good for his father to speak so forthrightly to him.

Is it a good idea to talk about how x child is a good example? Alma 39:1

Is it a good idea to talk about how x child is a good example? Alma 39:1

This is the part of the Book of Mormon where Alma the Younger is giving advice and counsel to his sons before continuing on to try to preach to the people. He starts with his family, which I think is notable.

First he talks to Helaman, then Shiblon, and in chapter 39 he is talking to Corianton.

Corianton apparently really struggled to believe certain doctrinal points, including, "What's the point of us knowing about a savior who is going to come in several hundred years? Why should we care about what will happen in such a distant future?" He also was confused a bit about what happens to the souls of men and women between death and resurrection.

He went after a harlot named Isabel, and this caused major problems for Alma. When Alma went to teach the Zoramites, they looked at the conduct of his son Corianton, and because it was unbecoming and immoral, they refused to listen and believe Alma. 

So this chapter is a bit harsher than the others - since Helaman and Shiblon were obedient, faithful, steadfast sons and apparently Corianton was not. Yet Alma loved Corianton deeply, and that is apparent in his words. 

But one thing that he does at the very beginning is to point out that he has a lot more to say to Corianton than he does to his other sons, and that Corianton should follow the example of his older brothers. 

When I read this, I wondered if that was a sound parenting strategy - to compare your wayward child against a faithful one. Or even just to compare your children.

Answer:

It just depends. Parenting has no rules set in stone. Apparently this was what needed to be said. Maybe in the future it will be helpful to tell my children to look towards their siblings for good examples. Maybe not, though. Something to be careful about, for sure. But it's interesting, and good, that he did not compare in a bad way. He basically pointed out the good things about Corianton's brothers rather than pointing about how bad Corianton was by comparison. 

I mean, if anybody could feel empathy about really big sins, it would be Alma.

Why is "meek and lowly in heart" hand in hand with repentance and faith? Alma 37:33

Why is "meek and lowly in heart" hand in hand with repentance and faith? Alma 37:33

Alma is talking to his son Helaman. He tells him this, "Teach the people to repent, and have faith in Jesus Christ. Teach them to humble themselves. Teach them to be meek and lowly in heart. Teach them to put up with and resist every temptation of the devil by using their faith in Jesus Christ."

Repentance means change, a turning back. It means to submit your own will to God's will. It means to set aside your pride. Of course it requires for you to be humble. Humility is basically a prerequisite of repentance.

I am not sure if humility is an ultimate prerequisite of faith. I think you can start to have faith before bringing yourself to submit to God. I think probably curiosity and interest is a precursor to faith, though.

When you have faith that Jesus Christ is real, and that his atonement made it possible for you to repent, it makes the repentance real, too. It means you believe it will work. I don't really understand how repentance can function without faith in Jesus Christ.

What is "hatred against sin and iniquity"? Alma 37:32

What is "hatred against sin and iniquity"? Alma 37:32

Alma the Younger is talking to his son Helaman, teaching him about the Jaredites. Spoiler Alert: their story is at the end of the Book of Mormon, and everybody dies. 

Just like the Book of Mormon proper.

Yeah. It's super sad.

Alma tells his son Helaman to guard the brass plates because they are precious. They contain the genealogy as well as the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

He also tells his son Helaman a lot of really great, awesome lessons, one of which is to teach his children to not trust people with secret evil plans, but instead teach them to have an everlasting hatred against sin and iniquity.

It's kind of rare that somebody would embrace something like hatred, but I think the point is well taken. Hatred of evil is... well... 

It's like having a strong desire to do good, and a strong repulsion to sin.

I want to be like that. I want to teach my children to be like that. It is important to me that I try my best every day to do and be a good person. That isn't always obvious. 

Tonight in our scripture study we talked about the difference between strictly following commandments and strictly following ordinances. It turns out that sometimes commandments can contradict one another. They are kind of like principles - sometimes you have to follow the spirit, or trust your gut, or simply try your best but know you will fail. However, there are certain ordinances, aka precise religious acts, that we are both asked and required to do. Some ordinances are not required (they aren't "saving"). Some ordinances are absolutely required, and it is required that they be done in the correct way. For example, baptism. It isn't enough that my ancestors were baptized into some other church. They need to be baptized by immersion, either in person or by proxy, into Christ's church on the earth. It's just something that has to be done. For everybody. Billions and billions of souls - everybody who ever lived to reach the age of accountability (8 years old) have to be baptized. It's why family history is such a big deal to me. 

The ordinances are important to keep strictly. They are part of a covenant, a two-way promise, that I make with God. I think that one way to teach my children to be repulsed by evil is to teach them, by my example, to love and cling to those covenants.