State of the Kate, October 2019

Wow, what an awesome week! Such a whirlwind, and so exciting! Basically, I feel totally rejuvenated and re-energized in many of my most ambitious projects. What happier result there could be, I don't know, except *gasp* discovering that lots of people like me, admire my work, and best of all, share my same nichey, quirky interests.

So here's an update on the goals I set for Q3 (even though that ended like...almost a month ago). If I crossed it out, I finished it. If I italicized it, I've since revised it.

1. Grad School Preparations.
2. ENGL 510
3. Maintain a Strict Morning and Evening Routine for My Mental Health
4. Talk with someone on the phone who is not Danny every single day
5. Writing
6. Grundbücherbuch
7. CGSI marketing goals
8. CGSI Lincoln Conference preparations
9. Asynchronous Book Club
10. Čeština A3.5
11. Kate Expectations
12. My Calling
13. Cousin Book
14. Home Church
15. A Year of Questions in the Book of Mormon
16. Czech Out Your Ancestors
17. That should be a movie!
18. Cookbook Project
19. Classics
20. Financial Aid
21. Wean Joey

Here is a non-exhaustive list of my personal goals for now until the end of the year, in order(ish) of priority:

1. Running : success looks like me running a race every month, and basically every day except Sundays. If I am in pain, I will have to cross train.

2. Meditation : I was recommended this app, which I use and really love. It's super calming.

3. Getting enough sleep : egh. Lifetime struggle.

4. Dieting : ...and this one is not much fun either. Success looks like continuous effort at this unfun task.

5. Slaying my emails every single day! This is revised from talking on the phone; that comes easily. Responding to emails does not. But it's very important to do.

6. Using google calendar : success looks like me adding my goals and events in the calendar and consulting with it frequently. Life is better when I know what the heck is going on.

7. A Year of Questions in the Book of Mormon : success looks like me finishing answering all my questions from last year and assembling it all into a print on demand book before the end of the year.

8. My Calling : success looks like implementing the 2020 calendar, making sure every unit in the stake has been trained on the leadership plan, creating the reminders and bulletin information for the ward's meetups and attending them. It also looks like continuous, steady effort to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing and just do it.

9. Czech Out Your Ancestors : success looks like writing some back posts so that I can have blogged continuously for the past year. It also looks like creating and implementing a content calendar for my facebook page. And there are some other top secret plans in the works, but I don't want to... squelch them... by allowing them to see the light of day too soon.

10. CGSI marketing 2020 goals : totally rejuvenated where this is concerned. Success looks like scheduling our facebook meetings, adding 15-20 things to the agenda to discuss, and not missing the Nov and Dec meetings.

11. Home Church : success looks like both me and my kids reading the entire New Testament before the end of the year. We are somewhere in 1 Thessalonians.

12. Grundbücherbuch : success looks like continuous effort plugging along at the final edits. Maybe we get through chapter 15 by the end of the year. We are in 12 right now. There are 19.

13. Čeština A3.5 : success looks like working my way through the entire book before the new year. Yeesh.

14. Narození a smrt v české lidové kultuře : success looks like continuous DAILY effort on this project. It has become very important because it would be just so fantastic if... well, another dream to avoid squelching.

15. CGSI article writing for Naše rodina : success looks like finishing (and starting. Haha) my DNA article and having a running list of articles to write. It looks like being published in every issue from now... forward.

16. CGSI 2021 Milwaukee Conference Proposals : success looks like submitting 10-15 proposals to this con.

17. Kate Expectations : success looks like finishing my poems and publishing a print on demand book for my nerdiest of nerd friends to enjoy for Christmas. Basically, this project has a deadline of the end of November. So Thanksgiving.

18. Asynchronous Book Club : success looks like me cataloguing and writing SOMETHING about all the books I read this year.

19. Cousin Book : success looks like me reaching out for contact information from all 50 cousins who I will see at the funeral next week. It also looks like getting some concrete information about this stuff from my mother in law about the other side of the family.

20. That should be a movie! : success looks like preparing and uploading the stuff we already prepared for a Jan 2020 release. It also means recording 2 or 3 new episodes.

21. Cookbook Project : success looks like writing a simple outline.

22. Classics : success looks like reading 3 classic literature books out loud with my kids before the end of the year. Audio books allowed!

23. NaNoWriMo with my kids (they are doing the 10k version. I may, as well. haha) : success looks like Jane, Dan, John, and Lukas all writing ~350 words/day for the month of November. It also looks like me keeping up with them. We will just all publish these things as print on demand books.

24. ENGL 510 : success looks like working my way through the book and answering all the questions briefly.

25. Python : success looks like completing the MOOC I am in, finishing the book I'm reading, and...cough cough... blogging about the learning curve in a tbd blog.

27. Corpus Linguistics MOOC : success looks like relistening to all the lectures, participating in the forums, and at least skimming all the articles.

Needed vs. Useful

Here's a post I drafted earlier this summer. Forgive the typos and rambly nature. Maybe it'll be mildly interesting.

***

I've been reading the 1861 version of the Civil Code of Austria (the ABGB), which was originally enacted in 1811 after about 40 years of work.

§ 141
It is principally the duty of the father to provide for the aliment of the children, till they can provide for themselves. It is the chief-duty of the mother to take charge of their bodies and health.

Here we have the primary roles of parents explicitly spelled out. Families are defined in very narrow terms: a one man, one woman marriage contract is the legal basis for the family unit. It goes on to say that if the father can't provide "aliment" (aka food), then this responsibility falls to the mother, children owe their parents respect and obedience, etc.

I want to point out that while a lot of the strictness of these rules has shifted in the last 150+ years, a lot of it remains the same. I often feel it would be nice to live in a world where these roles were more well-defined, stratified, and clear cut. Yes, my sphere of influence would be a lot smaller. But I think it might have been more valued.

Right now, my role as wife and mother feels like it's ascribed the importance of a footnote. It's my primary occupation, the main thing I spend my time on earth doing, but nobody asks about my thoughts about it. The nitty gritty details of daily living feel like they are not even worth the words it would take to try to explain the real worries, cares, thoughts, dreams, etc. that I have. For example:

There's a small plastic wrapper on the floor. I better pick that up so that Joey doesn't accidentally put it in his mouth.

The dishes would fit a lot better if we put all of these ikea plates in the front in a row.

John Rex, please put away the vacuum cleaner. That includes folding up the cord.

"Yes, you can help yourself to some candy, but not too much." I wonder what "too much" looks like to her, and I hope it's not actually too much. I don't want to intervene because I think being weird around food, especially snacks and treats, is a horrible plan. Too much candy in the house after the birthday party.

I haven't spoken with another adult all day except for very briefly when my dad dropped the boys off this morning, and he didn't want to stick around much.

Am I just shifting all the clutter around, not actually accomplishing anything? I hate this entropy we live in.

I am avoiding turning on the baby monitor because honestly, I don't really want to know if Joey's crying right now. I think he's not, but what if I'm wrong?

I dropped a penny on the floor earlier. I think I found it, but what if I didn't? I need to make sure I double check so that Joey doesn't eat it.

Stupid Walmart pickup made such crappy substitutions, now I have to go back to the grocery store. But before I can do that, I have to look at our budget. I'm blogging now to procrastinate looking at the budget, which is one of the ultimate least favorite tasks of all time.

Oh, I have to schedule the piano tuner to come out again...

This kind of stuff is so boring. Who would ever want to know about or hear about it. I want to be interesting, fascinating, intriguing, a good companion to all my close friends. I get that rants about potash or whatever the Most Recent Ambition or idea or thing I happened to be reading - I get that they are not always actually that interesting, fascinating, intriguing, engaging, etc. But the mundane crap is so much the less by comparison.

Still, I am incredulous that my main occupation, no matter how boring, is not allowed anywhere on my resume, or within my statement of purpose. It's stupid. Sure, it's allowed, but it's not "professional." It was "strongly suggested" to me by someone in the know to remove the teeeeeeeny tiny four word inclusion of it.

I think I might just rebel and not heed that advice; I am a really strong candidate for this program, and it's not terribly competitive.

Were women chosen for the work as well? Alma 16:15

Were women chosen for the work as well? Alma 16:15

Alma and Amulek "and also many more" preached and established the church in all the land of the Nephites.

My question was whether or not the "many more" included women. 

Answer:

Back just one verse, we read: 

And as many as would hear their words, unto them they did impart the word of God, without any ^arespect of persons, continually.

I am certain that God does not base his love off of our gender. I am certain that he doesn't withhold truth based on merely whether or not we are men or women; there must be reasons why things are the way they are. It is one reason why the recent announcement to allow women to be official witnesses at baptisms and sealings was a little bit frustrating to me; it feels like, "Well... so if we're allowed to do this now, why weren't we allowed to do this before?" I can accept, though, that reserving this responsibility for male priesthood holders in the past might have been the way earlier saints understood and tried to reverence the importance and significance of the priesthood.

The prophet specifically asked all the women in the church to study everything that we can about the priesthood, so in the next six months, that's what I'm going to do.

I am certain that women are and were in the past important contributors to God's work on the earth. It seems like such an obvious thing to say. Without women, well - there wouldn't be a human family. Women are also the moral compass of society - and this belief of mine is actually based off secular empirical data as well as recent statements by President Nelson at conference.

The 19th century language of the Book of Mormon is not my favorite. It tends to wipe out an entire half of the human population with words like "men" and "man" instead of using "men and women" or "humankind" or even "mankind." I am fairly certain that, reluctant as we may be to own it or face it, our society at large and also our inner latter-day saint community, are probably far, far more sexist than we would like to admit. Words really do matter.

But the meaning matters more.

Answer:
No doubt women were taught and also called to participate in some way in the work of God on the earth at that time, just as they are today.

Just, holy, and women also? Alma 13:26

Just, holy, and women also? Alma 13:26

Alma prophesies about the birth of Jesus Christ. He wishes that Christ would be born when he was alive, but states that regardless of when he comes, Alma will rejoice in the fact that the Savior is coming. This, by the way, is about 82 years before Jesus Christ's birth.

Alma doesn't know when Christ's birth will be, but he prophesies that others will come who will be given that knowledge. "Just and holy men by the mouth of angels, at the time of his coming." 

My question was whether or not this group of people who would be given to know about Jesus Christ's birth would include women.

Answer:

Definitely.

• Mary and Elizabeth were told about the birth of the Savior before he came. 
• Many hundreds of Nephite women knew and believed in the signs of his birth.
• Most likely the shepherds and wise men who came to worship Jesus were married, and I can't imagine them not at least discussing such an event with their spouses - and it's kind of likely that some of them would have actually been present. 
• There are probably many other women who I don't know about in both the old and new worlds who knew about the birth of Jesus Christ.

Did they want more authority than one man? Alma 9:6

Did they want more authority than one man? Alma 9:6

Alma and Amulek preach to the people of Ammonihah, who are very wicked. Their response to him is to say, "Who the heck are you, and why should we listen to the words of just one man?"

But then they extend their mocking further to include God. "Who is God, that he would send us just one man to preach to us?"

Answer:
Even though they were using it as an excuse, I think that in their hearts they were not ready or willing to receive the testimony of multiple prophets, since they couldn't even receive one. The people of Ammonihah actually seemed more keen on mocking and logically "proving" why their reasoning was superior than to listen to anybody with a different point of view, especially one in which they would have to do something hard like change and repent, or be destroyed.

The fact is, I think that sometimes as latter-day saints, we can be a little bit like this. We are really willing and eager to obey big, sweeping commandments ("I hope the prophet revises the Word of Wisdom during this general conference! Maybe we will all become vegetarians!") but it is not easy for the majority to obey small, simple commandments ("Dedicate some regular time to work on your family history and go to the temple!"). We expect God to come forward with flashy proclamations, the equivalent of hoards of witnesses and prophets, but when he speaks to us in a smaller, more subtle way, we shrug it off as nonsense or something that could not possibly be inspired. It is easy to think that the reasons why church policies continue to change is because they are influenced by the philosophies and attitudes of the world, and aren't actually divine inspiration, which we expect to work in some kind of separate, blind bubble that has no influence or relationship with the social attitudes and mores of the day.

God is going to speak to us in a way that we will hear him. In Isaiah's time, that meant the prophets performed live-action prophesies, where even their family members became living symbols of God's purposes and promises. But if we harden our hearts and refuse to listen to God, he's not going to be able to reach us, regardless. We have been given the gift of agency. Will we use it to listen to God, or will we cling to preconceived notions about how God's revelations and prophesies "have to" work in order to be "believable" or "worthy" for us to pay attention to?

Why can't they be written? Alma 8:1

Why can't the rest of the things which Alma taught the people of Gideon be written? Alma 8:1

After Alma the younger got the church in order in Zarahemla, he went to preach to the people in the land of Gideon. While there, he gave several really good sermons, one of which is contained in Alma 7. This sermon is about how Jesus Christ will come to earth, take upon himself the pains and sins of the world so that he can loose the bands of death for humanity and redeem them.  The purpose of his sermon is to bring people to have faith in Jesus Christ. Actually, at no point in his sermon does he call him by name, but rather things like Lord, Redeemer, Son of God, and Lamb of God.

There are several other examples of references to words which "cannot be written" in the scriptures. Here are some of the reasons which come to mind for why the rest of Alma's words to the people of Gideon could not be written:

- the copy that Mormon had was not good enough to summarize

- there was not enough room for Mormon to abridge/summarize or quote the words verbatim

- Mormon was commanded not to include those words

- Alma had not written down the remainder of his words, or they had not survived

- Mormon did not have enough time and had to pick and choose which things would survive in the final record

Answer:

Whatever the reason, it would be nice to have that missing record. I am looking forward to the time when all the missing, broken, discarded, or otherwise lost records of the earth will be found, read, and understood. 

Is there symbolism in this battle plan? Helaman 1:28-34

Is there symbolism in this battle plan? Helaman 1:28-34

This is the part of the Book of Mormon that gets really exciting. Pahoran II is murdered and his brother Pacumeni fills his place as the chief judge of the Nephites. Coriantumr leads the Lamanites in battle against the Nephites. His battle strategy was to march straight into the middle of Zarahemla.

Moronihah, the war leader of the Nephites, never predicted that Coriantumr would do that. So instead of strengthening Zarahemla, he had instead sent all his troops to the surrounding towns. Even though this caused a lot of death and destruction, the Lamanites placed themselves at a huge disadvantage because suddenly their entire army found itself surrounded by Nephites. 

Coriantumr himself was slain in the ensuing battle and all the rest of the surviving Lamanites were taken as prisoners of war.

The Battle of the Bulge comes to mind as another example of times in history when a strong army makes the fatal mistake of allowing itself to become surrounded (or nearly totally surrounded). 

There's a lot of lessons that can be learned from these war chapters, and in my opinion, most of them are not actually about literal war. I mean, how relevant is it actually for me in my life to study up on military strategy? Not very. But there are definitely parallels and symbolism that I can see in my own life. 

Among the many symbols that this episode provides to me are these two ideas:

1. Even in dire circumstances, God will provide a way for me to defeat the enemy. 

2. There is safety in making sure I don't have all my eggs in one basket; in making sure that I disperse my energy, time, and talents in a variety of places and projects.

Answer:

Yes.

Adam-ondi-Ahman

My aunt died. She wants her ashes scattered at Adam-ondi-Ahman.

Imagine trying to explain this in a very short space to a non-latter-day-saint person. I felt super awkward about it, and in part that was because I don't know that much about it and all my experiences and feelings having to do with this place cannot be explained in any kind of logical, sensible way. It also seems like it's pretty much that way for most other members of my church. I don't have a problem walking by faith and not knowing what's to come. I do have a problem seeming superstitious and basing my faith off of something mystical and unknowable.

The promise of the Book of Mormon is always the same: you can know for yourself whether or not it's true. God will tell you if you ask.

There's no such promise about understanding the events and timeline of the end of the world. I suppose a scripture scholar would be able to predict and see what's going on in modern times that fulfills ancient prophesies. But like, "the hour and the day no man knoweth, neither the angels in heaven, nor shall they know until he comes." (D&C 49:7) That's a very different looking/feeling promise than, "when you shall receive these things...if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost." (Moroni 10:4)

There is an Old Testament prophet named Daniel who saw all kinds of weird dreams and visions. In Daniel 7 there is a reference to the "Ancient of days" sitting down with a whole bunch of people, and then "one like the Son of man" coming down, and receiving the government. The promise is that all people, nations, and languages will serve him, and that his kingdom will be everlasting, and will never pass away or be destroyed.

According to latter-day saint doctrine, Adam is the Ancient of Days. He's going to hold a big, fat meeting at this place called Adam-ondi-Ahman, which is a big field in Missouri. Jesus Christ will come again and will rule and reign on the earth.

And that's when the temple work for mankind will really begin. Right now, we're doing like, less than 1% of what remains to be done for all of humanity.

Elder Bruce R. McKonchie says in this 1982 talk:

If we are to understand what shall transpire at Adam-ondi-Ahman in the near future, we must first envision the relationship between the Lord Jehovah, who is Christ our Savior, and the man Adam. Christ is the Firstborn of the Father, the Only Begotten in the flesh, and the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world. He is the Redeemer of the world and the Savior of men. He is the Son of God and is one with the Father in power, might, and dominion. Adam is the foremost spirit next to the Lord Jehovah. He is the archangel, the captain of the Lord's hosts who led the armies of heaven when Lucifer rebelled; he is Michael, the mightiest of all the spirit host save only the Lord Jesus; and he came to earth as Adam, the first man. His relationship with the God of Israel is set forth in the revelation which says that "the Lord God, the Holy One of Zion, . . . hath established the foundations of Adam-ondi-Ahman," and hath appointed Michael your prince, and established his feet, and set him upon high, and given unto him the keys of salvation under the counsel and direction of the Holy One, who is without beginning of days or end of life." (D&C 78:15-16.) Thus Adam stands next to the Holy Messiah, receives counsel and direction and power from him, and (under Christ) administers salvation to all men.

So, yeah. Adam is a really important, righteous man. As a side note, Eve is very, very highly revered in our doctrine, as well. It was through her decision to partake of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil that we even came to exist. She is the mother of all living, the pinnacle of God's creation. She's not mentioned here, but don't read anything into it.

Adam-ondi-Ahman is a holy place both for what will someday happen there, and also for what already happened there.

"Three years previous to the death of Adam, he called Seth, Enos, Cainan, Mahalaleel, Jared, Enoch, and Methuselah, who were all high priests, with the residue of his posterity who were righteous, into the valley of Adam-ondi-Ahman, and there bestowed upon them his last blessing." Nearly a thousand years had then passed since the first man and the first woman had stepped from Eden's garden into the lone and dreary world, there to begin the procreative processes that peopled a planet. We do not know how many million mortals made this earth their home in that day, or how many of them were true and faithful to that Lord whom Adam served. Disease and plagues were not then as common and horrendous as they are now. The physical bodies of earth's inhabitants had not yet degenerated to the disease-ridden, germ-governed shells of their former glory that is now the norm. We can suppose the population of the earth far exceeded that of later ages when the ills of the flesh and a rising infant mortality set a sin-inflicted limit on the numbers of men. And it is not unreasonable to suppose that many righteous spirits were born in that blessed day and that the numbers of the righteous were exceedingly great. We may not be amiss in supposing that many millions responded to the call to come to a general conference in Adam-ondi-Ahman.

This we do know, however: "The Lord appeared unto them" -- Jesus Christ their King stood in their midst -- "and they rose up and blessed Adam, and called him Michael, the prince, the archangel." How great and glorious is the eternal stature of the first man! "And the Lord administered comfort unto Adam, and said unto him: I have set thee to be at the head; a multitude of nations shall come of thee, and thou art a prince over them forever. And Adam stood up in the midst of the congregation; and, notwithstanding he was bowed down with age, being full of the Holy Ghost, predicted whatsoever should befall his posterity unto the latest generation." Such is an abbreviated account of what happened at Adam-ondi-Ahman in that pristine day. Our revelation that recites these words closes with the statement: These things were all written in the book of Enoch, and are to be testified of in due time." (D&C 107:53-57.)

It's...food for thought and wonder. Mostly wonder. It is hard to know what to "do" with this knowledge. It doesn't really have much practical implication on my life. I do not expect to live to see the second coming! I want to be ready in case it does happen during my life, but, well, that's different.

As for myself, I've been to Adam-ondi-Ahman twice. Once as a very young child, my parents drove us out there at the end of a very long trip to Nauvoo (which is like latter-day saint Disneyworld, a kind of giant church-themed open air museum with missionaries walking around in 19th century garb). You kind of have to understand that my dad was raised Catholic and... a lot of his zealousness towards the church and church history, which rubbed off on me, was due to his very devout upbringing. He went to Catechism. He was taught in school by nuns. He was on the road to become a Catholic priest, when he took another path and became a musician instead (which is where he met my mom's brother and took the missionary discussions, and two weeks later was baptized). Of course my dad would want to see this place. Of course he would want to bring us there.

I remember being very young, maybe five years old. I remember the feeling I had there was one of total peace. I remember the sun was setting and we didn't stay for very long, though we had driven hours and hours. I remember that I could imagine what it would be like during the second coming.

As an aside, I've been to one other place with a similar feelings of "awe" having to do with prophesies about the future and the end of the world. I went to Megiddo, where the battle of Armageddon is supposed to take place. Where the armies of Gog and Magog are going to duke it out to the bitter end, I guess. I hadn't actually read that much about it beyond what was mentioned during early morning seminary. And I didn't really know where we were until after I had these feelings; I was on a tour of the middle east led by some latter-day saint tour guide who was pretty naive when it came to regional conflict and injustices to Palestinians (that's a tangent for another day). We were standing in this really hot, flat, place in the middle of nowhere in the middle east, and these feelings suddenly bombarded me. Feelings that cannot be explained by logic. Feelings like, "This is an important place where a giant battle is going to happen." Then the tour guide explains where we are. It gave me chills.

Adam-ondi-Ahman is like that, except that the feeling all has to do with a pervading, powerful sense of peace.

The skeptic in me just cocks my head and says, "Well, the early saints were really anxious to build Zion. Maybe they were seeing/believing in things that weren't real. Maybe they were blinded by their zealousness. I mean, from what we know about early man, they don't seem to have originated in the middle of Missouri. Even Adam was a descendant of early man, isn't it plausible that Noah's flood was only regional and not worldwide? How can any of these crazy bible stories be explainable? They do not really seem to fit together, especially with what we think we are uncovering with science."

But I can't deny my feelings, at least without lying to myself.

It's also very easy for me to understand why God would limit our agency by hiding or obscuring some things. It also makes sense to do that if the test we are taking is to walk by faith.

It doesn't really matter that we don't know the exact "itinerary" of the end of the world. There's a reason that we don't have the answer to most of the "why" questions, and it is so that we will turn to God instead of to our own knowledge.

It's kind of frustrating, but I suppose that's just a condition of mortality.

We will gather with our family in about a year to scatter her ashes on her birthday at this beautiful, peaceful place that's about 3 hours south of where we live in Iowa. It is a little bit weird, but, well...

...humanity is weird.

Atheists, Humility, and Missionary Work

This is another unpublished piece, probably about a year and a half old. I don't even remember what the remark was about. It was a conversation I had with my Czech friend Tom, and I suppose it's worth publishing (can you tell I'm looking at all the drafts right now? hahaha).

***

I made an offhand remark to my atheist friend that was mocking something which I thought was a ridiculous, ludicrous, unbelievably illogical belief system. I expected it to make him laugh.

He didn't, and after a moment, I felt extremely ashamed. What had I just done? Just because this belief system looks and sounds totally absurd to me doesn't mean it's not the genuine, heartfelt faith of someone else. 

This same friend has listened to me talk about my faith, read the Book of Mormon, and even attended our church. He listened to us pray. He's never laughed at any of it, though he doesn't believe it. 

We spent a long time last year talking about his faith. I guess he's a special atheist because he admits that the lack of belief is its own kind of faith. His perception of himself and his approach to faith is striving for humility, which is something I admire.  

So, last week in church the entire theme was about missionary work. This is a pretty common occurrence; my church is very "into" that. But there was a bit of a different take. My brain is a little bit fuzzy right now about the details, but what I seem to vaguely remember was the theme was about, "getting along with people of other faiths." We talked about this in sacrament meeting, Sunday School, and Relief Society. 

I've only read the first three books of C.S. Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia. My friend Meghan made a comment about the last book, about this character who spent their whole life serving Tash, but actually was serving Aslan without knowing it. She went into more details. But basically, Aslan is quite an overt symbol of Jesus Christ through the whole series, and this particular character was supposed to be about people who try to do what they believe is right, but for some reason are misguided in their beliefs. Lewis's point was that people who try to choose the right, whether they are serving God or not, are doing good, and their efforts will matter; that people aren't consigned to an everlasting hell for their lack of knowledge and understanding of who Christ is. This is a very comforting thought, and it's kind of funny that it's made by a non-Mormon, though he is admittedly extremely beloved by our community, and quoted in almost every session of General Conference.

I feel so uncomfortable thinking, let alone saying, "your deeply held religious/pseudo-religious convictions are misguided." I don't like being a missionary like Samuel the Lamanite.

I would much rather be like Ammon. 

If you think about it, Ammon was a prince. He didn't believe in God. He persecuted the people in the church. Then an angel came and told his friend Alma to stop it. He became converted and went on a mission to the Lamanites, which was extremely successful. So successful that it had extremely long lasting affects on many, many generations of people!

But how did he serve?

He was a friend. And he was his genuine self. 

He used his skills and talents that he had developed, things that were really personal to him. As a prince, he would have had all kinds of special military training. It's not everybody who can use their strength and warrior skills - specifically, the ability to cut off arms! - in order to share the gospel.

So how was this guy a great missionary? It was by serving them. He paid such great attention to detail that after he delivered the arms of the enemies, he went to water the king's horses, which totally shocked the king. 

Why would he do that? To somehow trick the King into listening to him? Maybe a little bit. But mostly I think it was because he genuinely loved the King. He genuinely cared about these people he was serving. It wasn't by laughing at their misguided traditions and beliefs.

I personally feel like most belief systems in this world do contain some elements of truth, and that actually includes "atheism" (though I'd hardly call that a "system" because it's not organized). Maybe one very deep truth that my friend taught me through his example is a deep appreciation of humility. 

If God called me to stand a wall and tell everybody to repent, I would do it. That isn't my calling right now. My calling is to be a good friend, to be kind and respectful, to be a good wife and mother, and for some crazy reason, I also feel very strongly that it is important for me to learn Czech. Maybe there is a way that my learning of Czech can help with missionary work in the world. I believe success will come in being my genuine self, not being a crazy overzealous weirdo. This includes sharing my thoughts, feelings, and experiences about religion, since they are a huge part of my life. It also includes not mocking (even in thought) the faith of others.

Delayed Thoughts about Time Out For Woman

I'm posting this over a year later. I didn't want to offend anybody.

***

Last night I went with some friends to a really weird pocket of latter-day saint culture: "time out for women."

It's basically a cross between a wannabe general conference and EFY with all the fun sucked out of it, but on the same tech platform as RootsTech.

"Are you looking forward to going?" my friend Melanie texted.

"Honestly... Not really. It seems like hours and hours of extra church."

"But you get to clap!"

Hahahahaha

My mom bought us tickets because it was in Des Moines this year, then couldn't go because she was in Brazil for the birth of my nephew. I invited my friend to take her ticket. This friend and I have gone to RootsTech together.

She and I would have both rather spent three hours talking about the massive new ancestry DNA update.

It was very much like spending 3 hours listening to the Mormon Channel (is it still called that? I can't really stand it, so I don't listen to it. It's wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too cheesy, not academic enough, and it basically just serves to make me feel frustrated and riled up) while sitting on uncomfortable chairs without the benefit of accomplishing mundane tasks like folding laundry or doing dishes. It wasn't as good as General Conference, not by a long shot. General Conference is inspiring and uplifting, and it always feels so good. This felt like a fake version.

The singer was good. He had a great singing voice, similar to Josh Groban. He was a mediocre speaker. But a sing along? That made me feel pretty patronized.

There was also this really negative element of priestcraft. Aka feeling like I was buying a religious experience. I have strong feelings about that being evil. Church should be free.

I'm never again going to this event. Ever.

Wasn't the servant of Helaman scared? Helaman 2:6

Wasn't the servant of Helaman scared? Helaman 2:6

Answer:
If I were a guy who had been spying on the enemy in the middle of the night, wearing a disguise, knowing stuff I shouldn't have known, giving the enemy the secret sign, luring the enemy into a trap, and then stabbed a person in the heart - well! Yes. I'd be scared.

#notspymaterial

Did Alma really wait until after eating to tell Amulek who he was? Alma 8:23

Did Alma really wait until after eating to tell Amulek who he was? Alma 8:23

Alma goes on a mission and gets a lot of rejection in a place called Ammonihah. He's commanded to turn around and go back and preach repentance to the people, Jonah-Ninevah-style.

He's tired, depressed, and really hungry. He approaches a man and asks him, "Will you give a humble servant of God something to eat?"

That person was Amulek. Alma probably didn't know it then, but Amulek had seen Alma in a vision and been commanded to receive him, feed him, and listen to him.

Answer:
I bet that Alma's story probably did mostly unfold after the food was consumed, but it doesn't seem that likely for him to wait to completely disclose his identity. But hey, maybe they had weird eating customs where like, you weren't allowed to talk and eat or something. Or it was rude to talk with your mouth full or something.

Who is the servant of Helaman? Helaman 2:8

Who is the servant of Helaman? Helaman 2:8

There's this guy name Gadianton. He is a robber. He set up an evil secret society on the basis of swearing oaths to not tell when people murder someone else. So basically, a mafia-like society in which you could murder people for profit.

Kishkumen killed Pahoran, the chief judge. He was going to kill Helaman, too. I forget whether or not Helaman was just a regular level judge or what.

Little did he know that Helaman had a fearless spy in his employ.

Helaman's servant secretly meets with the Gadianton robbers, acts as though he is going to lead Kishkumen directly to Helaman (the plan was for the robbers to murder Helaman and install Gadianton as a judge, the chief judge. The head of the government.) Instead, Helaman's servant kills Kishkumen and returns and reports what he's seen and done.

Answer:
Whoever he was, he was brave.