What does it mean to "cross yourself"? Alma 39:9

What does it mean to "cross yourself"? Alma 39:9

Alma tells his son Corianton to cross himself in the lusts of his eyes and his sins. 

Danny and I think that the more you think about this phrase, "cross yourself" the less it makes sense. When you just read it on a surface level, you can intuit what it means. It means to guard yourself, to put a barrier between you and x. But when you think about it more closely, it starts to sound strange. 

Corianton had not repented yet, then? Alma 39:7

Corianton had not repented yet, then? Alma 39:7

Alma says, "I wish that you had not been guilty of such a sin. I wouldn't dwell on your sins, to hurt you, if it weren't for your own good." 

It seems that it's possible that Corianton was in a state where he may have actually started to repent. That his father seemed to think Corianton would feel guilt after his sins were discussed at length seems to suggest that he was still able to feel sorrow for them. His heart was not so hardened that he had lost all feeling and desire to repent.

Guilt is a terrible feeling, but it is also a blessing. It points us towards change. I think that maybe Corianton was in a state where he was a bit lost - torn between two sets of desires. It was good for his father to speak so forthrightly to him.

Is it a good idea to talk about how x child is a good example? Alma 39:1

Is it a good idea to talk about how x child is a good example? Alma 39:1

This is the part of the Book of Mormon where Alma the Younger is giving advice and counsel to his sons before continuing on to try to preach to the people. He starts with his family, which I think is notable.

First he talks to Helaman, then Shiblon, and in chapter 39 he is talking to Corianton.

Corianton apparently really struggled to believe certain doctrinal points, including, "What's the point of us knowing about a savior who is going to come in several hundred years? Why should we care about what will happen in such a distant future?" He also was confused a bit about what happens to the souls of men and women between death and resurrection.

He went after a harlot named Isabel, and this caused major problems for Alma. When Alma went to teach the Zoramites, they looked at the conduct of his son Corianton, and because it was unbecoming and immoral, they refused to listen and believe Alma. 

So this chapter is a bit harsher than the others - since Helaman and Shiblon were obedient, faithful, steadfast sons and apparently Corianton was not. Yet Alma loved Corianton deeply, and that is apparent in his words. 

But one thing that he does at the very beginning is to point out that he has a lot more to say to Corianton than he does to his other sons, and that Corianton should follow the example of his older brothers. 

When I read this, I wondered if that was a sound parenting strategy - to compare your wayward child against a faithful one. Or even just to compare your children.

Answer:

It just depends. Parenting has no rules set in stone. Apparently this was what needed to be said. Maybe in the future it will be helpful to tell my children to look towards their siblings for good examples. Maybe not, though. Something to be careful about, for sure. But it's interesting, and good, that he did not compare in a bad way. He basically pointed out the good things about Corianton's brothers rather than pointing about how bad Corianton was by comparison. 

I mean, if anybody could feel empathy about really big sins, it would be Alma.

Why is "meek and lowly in heart" hand in hand with repentance and faith? Alma 37:33

Why is "meek and lowly in heart" hand in hand with repentance and faith? Alma 37:33

Alma is talking to his son Helaman. He tells him this, "Teach the people to repent, and have faith in Jesus Christ. Teach them to humble themselves. Teach them to be meek and lowly in heart. Teach them to put up with and resist every temptation of the devil by using their faith in Jesus Christ."

Repentance means change, a turning back. It means to submit your own will to God's will. It means to set aside your pride. Of course it requires for you to be humble. Humility is basically a prerequisite of repentance.

I am not sure if humility is an ultimate prerequisite of faith. I think you can start to have faith before bringing yourself to submit to God. I think probably curiosity and interest is a precursor to faith, though.

When you have faith that Jesus Christ is real, and that his atonement made it possible for you to repent, it makes the repentance real, too. It means you believe it will work. I don't really understand how repentance can function without faith in Jesus Christ.

What is "hatred against sin and iniquity"? Alma 37:32

What is "hatred against sin and iniquity"? Alma 37:32

Alma the Younger is talking to his son Helaman, teaching him about the Jaredites. Spoiler Alert: their story is at the end of the Book of Mormon, and everybody dies. 

Just like the Book of Mormon proper.

Yeah. It's super sad.

Alma tells his son Helaman to guard the brass plates because they are precious. They contain the genealogy as well as the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

He also tells his son Helaman a lot of really great, awesome lessons, one of which is to teach his children to not trust people with secret evil plans, but instead teach them to have an everlasting hatred against sin and iniquity.

It's kind of rare that somebody would embrace something like hatred, but I think the point is well taken. Hatred of evil is... well... 

It's like having a strong desire to do good, and a strong repulsion to sin.

I want to be like that. I want to teach my children to be like that. It is important to me that I try my best every day to do and be a good person. That isn't always obvious. 

Tonight in our scripture study we talked about the difference between strictly following commandments and strictly following ordinances. It turns out that sometimes commandments can contradict one another. They are kind of like principles - sometimes you have to follow the spirit, or trust your gut, or simply try your best but know you will fail. However, there are certain ordinances, aka precise religious acts, that we are both asked and required to do. Some ordinances are not required (they aren't "saving"). Some ordinances are absolutely required, and it is required that they be done in the correct way. For example, baptism. It isn't enough that my ancestors were baptized into some other church. They need to be baptized by immersion, either in person or by proxy, into Christ's church on the earth. It's just something that has to be done. For everybody. Billions and billions of souls - everybody who ever lived to reach the age of accountability (8 years old) have to be baptized. It's why family history is such a big deal to me. 

The ordinances are important to keep strictly. They are part of a covenant, a two-way promise, that I make with God. I think that one way to teach my children to be repulsed by evil is to teach them, by my example, to love and cling to those covenants. 

The State of Kate: Beginning of Summer 2020

Why is it always so much more difficult to work on the things I "should" be doing than it is to figure out something even more interesting that I "shouldn't" be doing, and start that instead?

WHY?

Like, even with projects that are fun! I have a to-do list right now that is full of sit-on-my-butt-at-a-computer tasks, which I normally typically classify as "fun."

But, well, this morning I got a little bit sidetracked with the 1869 Census for Frenštát... I went through half of it (409 pages) and... well... attached as many of the images to FamilySearch Family Tree as possible.

I mean, the census itself lists, "do Ameriky v roce 1872" with the passport application number. Plus, there are many, many dozens of my own family members. Doing this was extremely satisfying as well as extremely... not related to anything else on my to-do list, except only a bit vaguely.

Like, one search strategy to getting a bit closer to solving the Henry Heine case is to try to find Anna Svoboda/Macha in Trojanovice or Frenštát in the 1869 census. So... while I'm looking there... might as well...

... and now I want to compile a list somewhere of all the emigrants to Texas from these towns, with SOURCE CITATIONS to back it all up.

So now I'm done complaining, and I'm going to get back to what I was doing.

Oh yeah. State of Kate:
I'm doing extremely well. I feel happy, motivated (well - as you can see from the above rant - I'm still human), and in control. Life is good.

I mean, well, life is pretty objectively awful with the current events and the state of the world. But the internal state of Kate? I haven't felt this great in years. I'm on the right dose of the right medication, which is obviously not the *utmost* ideal scenario (which would be to not need it at all), but it is definitely the right choice now. After struggling through some slightly annoying GI side effects, my gut has decided not to rebel, that this medicine is worth it. I think my body may have fully adjusted to this; I feel only slight side effects. The benefits far outweigh the cons.

This summer is going to be a real challenge here at home with 5 kids, but I think things will actually turn out okay.

I hung out with the missionaries in the Family History Center today. I really, really love them, both the sisters and the elders. Actually, I have gotten to know like 15 different people, since there are like 5 sets of 3 missionaries that go to the Ashworth building. My stake technology specialist is the only one who has the authority to add a device to the wifi - so he came over to set up the chromecast. Finally. After I had nagged him all week. I'm not sure if he was able to do it or not in the end - I had to leave beforehand. I've loved working with the missionaries. I love teaching them how to use FamilySearch. I love their enthusiasm and kindness.

I would not have been able to serve a mission, even if I had wanted to go. I would either have been sent out and then sent home early for mental health problems (severe anxiety), or maybe, if I had been lucky, they wouldn't have ever called me in the first place. I realize now that it's not an experience I would have missed out on - I wouldn't have had it at all. I would have been a really, really bad missionary, too. Like... it would have been so hard if I had been with an obnoxious companion. I would have really struggled, especially at age 19, with living with certain kinds of personalities, following arbitrary rules, and dealing with strange cultural weirdness from my church. I am probably an exception to the norm; one of the things that had built my testimony and faith in the restored gospel the most, that the church is what it says it is, that the prophets and pioneers were who they said they were, is researching their flaws. In detail. In historical records. Sugarcoating nothing. Deep diving into the weird world of polygamy, which is often really messy. I know for myself that these people, these experiences, these events, are true. I know that the Book of Mormon really is a translation of a real ancient record of a people that lived in the Americas. It is a solid companion witness to Jesus Christ's godhood. My own faith has grown because of my fascination, obsession, and tangential explorations into church history - and my own history.

Maybe I would never have been a missionary at the age of 19-21, but I am confident that I am "good enough" as whatever kind of missionary I am today, just by being my own genuine self. I've told Danny that this medicine helps me to feel like I'm in a protective bubble, that I'm not completely surrounded by danger at all times anymore. Danny says it seems like it's more like I'm not constantly in chains anymore. Like... I'm free. I can understand what he means. It's kind of strange to introspect on this fact, but I remember recently talking about and thinking about how worried I was to share any feelings of faith - no matter how remote - because I didn't want to be misunderstood or worse, rejected. I don't really... feel that now. At all. I just feel... fine. Not worried about it. I obviously would prefer to not be misunderstood or rejected, but it's not really an influencer in how I choose to be, or even what I choose to say. Like, it would not prevent me from sharing the thoughts and feelings in my heart if I felt they were right to share. It really is like my anxiety was a ball and chain, keeping me in this very narrow radius of action at all times. Interesting.

One final note: I have noticed that I am slightly less creative on these meds. Like, I could sometimes get into a huuuuuge fury/rage and just - attack my keyboard tap tap tap tap tap tap tap and write scathing lines. Like, I could channel all kinds of energy into writing. There's MANY scathing lines possible to be written about Dune, but I don't really even look forward to writing a mild review, which is a bit odd. Anxious Kate is all about that, and without my anxiety I am just... a lot less vicious. A LOT less angry. So that tradeoff means I'm also a lot less creative in some ways. On the other hand, since I have more energy and I'm more excited about life, that also means I'm more creative in someways. Like, even though I've been procrastinating doing so this whole time, I really do feel an itch to finish some of those other projects on my list.

Here's a curated version of said list:
- Write Dune review
- Fix signup.com reminders for FHC
- email Claudia
- buy that ghost book for Jane
- pick out a couch for the TV room and buy it
- email Rob
- email or text Andrea
- Figure out if we have a spot in daycare for August
- buy a 23&me test (yeah. I decided I really want to know my health horoscope. haha)
- set up ChalTec for next week
- mail back library books
- Write Dune review <--- haha, this literally is on there twice...

Time to get to that review.

Why does God keep his mysteries? Alma 40:3

Why does God keep his mysteries? Alma 40:3

Hahaha, this question is such a tautology.