Why would you choose to live in hell?

I don't really believe in hell, or at least the traditional version of it.

It's just too ludicrous. Satan and his devils with horns and pitchforks surrounding some giant lake of fire and brimstone. This is, quite literally, the stuff of comic books.

Ludicrous things are quite often very funny, and I can't help but laugh at this, nor its caricaturesque counterpart of pearly white gates guarded by Saint Peter (I guess that's the stereotype? It's not even really "a thing" in my own personal religious/cultural experience, not even in jokes), a befuzzled God with a halo and white robes, bunches of winged angels standing around on clouds and playing harps - etc. But right now I want to talk specifically about damnation and hell.

The scriptures are full of references to what at first glance is something similar to the above depiction of hell. Here are some examples:  "A lake of fire and brimstone, whose flame ascendeth up forever and ever and has no end" (2 Nephi 9:15-23) or the beast from Revelation being taken and "cast alive into a lake of fire burning with brimstone" (Revelation 19:20) or how, "upon the wicked he shall rain snares, fire and brimstone, and an horrible tempest: this shall be the portion of their cup." (Psalms 11:6 even though I don't really like the Psalms that much yet) - or in reference to the days of the Lord's vengeance, how the "streams [of Zion] shall be turned into pitch, and the dust thereof into brimstone, and the land thereof shall become burning pitch." (Isaiah 34:9) Later, how "the fearful, and the unbelieving, and all liars, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie, and the whoremonger, and the sorcerer, shall have their part in that lake which burneth with fire and brimstone, which is the second death." (Doctrine and Covenants 63:17).

And, just because I am pretty sure you probably just skimmed the above paragraph, know that the point I was trying to show was that images of a brimstoney hell are completely laced throughout the scriptures.

But I'm sure it's not literal.

I am also quite sure that this particular kind of hell as described is not a post-final judgment experience, but rather, that we experience this when we are separated from God.

Like, now.

During our every day existence.

Brimstone is sulfurous. It's this nasty smelling stuff present in hot springs all over the "Holy" Land (I personally think this title for this land is the biggest misnomer of all and wrote a tiny bit about my time in Israel here, though it is highly abbreviated and doesn't really express this idea perfectly - but the unholiness of the holy land deserves its own rant, not here, not now). It is mentioned in the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah and other various cities throughout the Old Testament. It's a symbol of God's displeasure and anger.

Does God's anger only come upon us after we are dead and judged for our actions?

No way.

If the God of the Old and New Testaments and other books of scripture is real, for sure he interferes with our lives while we are yet living. Or at least, he has with some people, and certainly has the power to interfere in our lives, even though that might seem difficult to believe in our "modern, educated world" that is allegedly devoid of angels, communication with God, revelation (hint hint: it's not devoid of those things!).

The meaning of "damnation" has changed over time to imply something final. But in the past, and in its use in the scriptures, it actually described the state of being that is the opposite of salvation, which we know exists in various degrees. It's a spectrum, guys - which means it's infinitely personal. That's the only way it makes any sense. If you are not "saved" then you are "damned" - i.e. hindered in your progress and privileges. But precisely where you're hindered totally depends on you, yourself, where you choose to be on the spectrum of salvation.

And it really is up to you because salvation itself - the possibility of being saved - is freely given to all mankind through Jesus Christ.

It's for everyone. "He cometh into the world that he may save all men if they will hearken unto his voice; for behold, he suffereth the pains of all men, yea the pains of every living creature, both men, women, and children, who belong to the family of Adam. And he suffereth this that the resurrection might pass upon all men, that all might stand before him at the great and and judgment day. And he commandeth all men that they must repent, and be baptized in his name, having perfect faith in the Holy One of Israel, or they cannot be saved in the kingdom of God." (2 Nephi 9:21-23)

Basically: Jesus Christ, aka God himself, came down to earth, lived a perfect life, suffered individually for our sins (I referenced my time bubble theory in this post - I really don't know how this is possible, but I have a big imagination and God is all powerful so I can just trust/believe that it is), and all of us - EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US including nonbelievers, sinners (ahem that's all of us), murderers, etc. - Every single human that has ever lived and ever will live will be resurrected into a perfect physical body, which is very different from what we experience in this life (I reference my displeasure at having to live in this crappy human frame in this post as well).

I know we will all be resurrected, and that after resurrection we will be judged.

If we want to receive salvation, i.e. be saved, the steps are clear: repent and show your faith by being baptized. And then continue to walk on the covenant path. Keep going. Keep repenting. Keep showing your faith. Keep growing it. Keep fighting the good fight.

The scriptures talk about two different, distinct kinds of death: physical death and spiritual death (or sometimes called "the second death"). Physical death is when our spirit is separated from our bodies. You know, the death we always think about when we hear the word "death."

But the other death is when our spirit is separated from God. This is "spiritual death." Because of Adam and Eve's choice in the garden of Eden (well, however literal that story is - which is also a totally different topic for another day), we have the possibility to experience both of these kinds of death. We make our own spiritual death by what we do, what we think, and our daily actions. Paul talks about this, by the way. "Some are "dead" while they "liveth"" (1 Timothy 5:6).

"And if they will not repent and believe in his name, and be baptized in his name, and endure to the end, they must be damned; for the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has spoken it." (2 Nephi 9:24)

Clearly, this scripture infers that you can be damned while you are still alive. You can choose to separate yourself from God. You can feel great agony and misery now. You can choose these things.

But why would you?

Does that make any kind of sense?

If you had the chance to be happy now - wouldn't you take it?

I think the Old Testament in particular talks a lot about damnation and hellfire and that kind of stuff for this reason: it works. Nephi, who lived about 100 years after Isaiah (so, right in the thick of this damnation and hellfire rhetoric. Yay ancient Israel and the Mosaic law - not! So glad I live now, not then) talks about how it works, about how he continually had to preach to his people in this way.

I am not sure that this rhetoric of damnation and hell works so well today because it has become such a caricature that it is almost impossible to think seriously when confronted with it. It's easy to be dismissive of this image. And it's also easy to think, "well, a loving God isn't going to be this way." It almost sounds like some kind of temper tantrum - that's how I would describe how "God's anger" seems to me when I am not thinking introspectively and seriously about what a paternal kind of anger that is fully justified and real must actually be like.

But the thing is, I have a firm understanding of hell as guilt, hell as anxiety, hell as the feelings of anguish and nastiness that well up within yourself when you willfully separate yourself from God. I understand that and experience it. It is a constant struggle to me to repent.

Hence why I go to church. At church I can literally be "baptized" again - except it's not through baptism, but taking the sacrament. A symbolic gesture, a physical way of re-covenanting with God, recommitting myself to try my best to do his will. 

The "chains of hell" are metaphorical. They are the feelings which overpower us and bind us to misery when we choose not to repent and come unto Christ, and accept the salvation he's willingly offering us. The scriptures talk about how the devil will "rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good." (2 Nephi 28:20) He also talks about how he uses other strategies like pacifying and lulling us into carnal security - i.e. a state of not caring about anything. Or how he flatters us and tells us that everything we hear about religion is just one big lie.

It's not a lie.

Salvation is free.

We can turn ourselves - our problems, our worries, our anxieties, our fears, our physical suffering and pain, our personal individual hell that we naturally and willfully create for ourselves - over to God. We can ask to be forgiven, and he will forgive us.

Because he loves us.

Do you really think that a loving God would make a plan whereby the majority of his children would not receive salvation? Does it really make sense that we are here and then our bodies get old, decay, crumble, and eventually rot away - that all of this is meaningless and we have no reason to hope or to try to become the best kind of people we can, and to create the best kind of world that we can? Is our existence puny, pathetic, and meaningless or are we joint-heirs with God, with the possibility of exaltation and limitless creative powers (!!!!) and glory? What makes sense? Everything around us testifies that God is real and loves us.

If infinity is real, in one of the infinite possible scenarios that could exist, God must be found in one of them. Why not in this existence?

Why not search your feelings and find a space to trust that God exists and loves us? Even if it weren't real, faking it would make you happy.

How much more so then if it were real?

It is real!

We bring hell upon ourselves when we willfully turn away from God. Sometimes this is not really our fault (see Limited Agency Theory). I have firm faith that God will judge us fairly, and that we will all end up somewhere on the spectrum of salvation, limited in eternal progress only by what we ourselves fairly and rightfully choose. So let's choose God!

I think that it should be very easy for most of us to understand what faith looks like in a digital world. We engage in this kind of action all the time. We post things out to some Great Unknown Nether - a black hole - a nebulous connected labyrinth of wires and electricity connected all over the world (well except maybe not North Korea) - with a firm hope that somebody out there will read what we have to say. That our message will make it to its final destination - but even more specifically, that it will be understood by the recipient. I feel especially close to this metaphor of faith being like digital communication because I love to blog and I love to interact with far away, distant friends who live on the other side of the world yet somehow, for some reason, seem to really get my mind (Nowadays I feel that I could probably end that really lonely poem in that aforementioned post with, "oh! Right there!").

But even if you're not a blogger, I mean, we all send emails and texts and write social media posts all the time. We never (or hardly ever) see the recipient open them. We just know they will be read. We know that someday, what we write will be received. We trust that it will be understood, and perhaps even reciprocated.

Faith is just like this, only it's not about typing on a keyboard but about prayer. But even if you can't or won't bring yourself to like, kneel and pray, either silently or aloud (and maybe you're limited, and it's not your fault that you can't do these things), you can still direct your thoughts to the possibility that God loves you (ha! Just by reading this I tricked you into doing so! Master Manupulatrix mwahahaha). You can direct your curiosity and wonder towards considering that God wants you to be his, that you matter, that this world and this life matter, that there is meaning. You can, in your mind and in your heart, start to think about these things.

After you think about these things, you can wonder to yourself if they could be true. You can pretend that they are true for just a moment, and this is how: you can create the words in your mind to ask God for yourself if they're true.

And he'll answer you.

He speaks your language, and I'm not talking about crippled languages we can speak.

I mean he knows exactly how to communicate with you so that you will understand and get the message he wants you to have, and because he loves you, he will!

I had a dream the other night which was a great comfort to me. (By the way, apparently this is the way that I best communicate with God, perhaps because it is the only way that I will shut up enough to listen? Or - perhaps because I think in really strange metaphorical ways, so a dream with completely unrelated images can end up making sense to me, carrying a precise, direct message straight to my heart. Also, I'm not insane: I am fully aware that my dreams are not all divine. Sometimes they are just random neurons firing. But I really have experienced, and quite recently, an assurance from God that he cares about me, given to me through a really personal dream that I just know would make sense to nobody else, therefore it is not worth typing out for the world to mock.) 

Just try it. What's there to lose but your pride, and in any case, isn't that something worth losing?