Frustrated Mind Dumping after my first day editing Wikipedia

Aughaghgahjk;ahj;kaghjk;aghj;k hkl'aertj'klauhj;ahjk;ater

Nowhere else to express my utter distaste, disdain, disgust, dis-everything. Dissing everything. EVERYTHING SUCKS. DO YOU HEAR ME, ANYONE!?

:::pant, pant, pant:::

So. Okay. I will compose myself and compose this post.

I usually get somewhere between .25-4 hours per day to spend doing something interesting on my computer, the only place where interesting things ever seem to happen. Or at least, the most interesting things. The mental playground.

Today I decided, with great hesitation, that I would venture down the rabbit hole of Wikipedia editing. Even though it pretty much goes against some of my most dearly held core values.

But some of those values conflict with each other, and in the end, the other side won.

Even though it meant losing all kinds of my precious, sacred, valuable, super-limited free time.

And now I'm ranting about it, but I don't really know what else I can do but rant on a blog. If I were to call somebody - nobody I know who I can reach by phone would be 1. available right now or 2. sympathetic. I am not capable of ranting to non-humans. I can set my little offerings out to the great void. I guess some people read this pathetic little blogičký bloggy blogíček.

PERSONAL VALUE A:
Being genuine. Sincere. Open. Honest. With all my heart. Feelings. Sometimes gushing. Sometimes obnoxious. Often obnoxious. Always obnoxious? Ugh.

PERSONAL VALUE B:
Dissemination of knowledge. Free. For everybody. Language should not be a barrier. Reverse Iron Curtain Is Stupid. #imsurroundedbymorons "This wasn't a page on wikipedia?! How is it possible that this was not a page on wikipedia already?!" Maybe I know some things.

PERSONAL VALUE C:
I never, never, never, never, never, never, never, NEVER want to find myself on Mount Stupid.

PERSONAL VALUE D:
But there is my journey on Mount Stupid, in plain view, for everybody to see, with my edits on wikipedia. Ughhghghghgh.

And I can't utter the phrase "edit wikipedia" without thinking of Weird Al Yankovic, which just makes me...

Cringe.

It makes me cringe.

And then I start to cry because perhaps this is the solution I've been looking for these past years. The solution for finding somebody - anybody - any human body - to...talk to.

aafds;jt 4h;iet4'tw4hjil/grkjldsf

What a lousy, embarrassing, frustrating, horrid, disgusting solution.

I know I was trying to keep this blog positive, upbeat, cheerful, happy - but that is not how I feel and I guess "Personal Value A" tends to overshadow all the others, being a well-practiced, needy type of person. I guess I could really have a hey-day writing the internal dialogue here, but I have actual stuff to do in the real world.

I don't want to write in a super neutral voice. I want to write in my own voice.

Or translate somebody else's voice. That is the contribution I really want to make.

But that will require 500 edits to unlock the translator tool for English, because English Speakers Suck.

There are some lousy work-arounds. But they really are pretty lousy.

And this tool has a learning curve. It's hard to figure out a new GUI. It's hard to figure out how to orient myself. It's hard to cringe every time I see the tracks I'm leaving that don't make sense. It's frustrating that I wasted a good three hours on this. It feels like a waste. Maybe it won't be. Maybe it will be really good for me. Maybe I should try to be optimistic. Maybe I will love this rabbit hole. Maybe it will lead to some great translation projects. Maybe Personal Value B will get some exercise.

Maybe this is just PMS. And I'm not actually kidding about that.

bleughghgh.