State of Kate, Q2 2019

To the one or two souls who read this blog sometimes, here's an update on the State of Kate. 

I've had a really rough spring. I guess you could say it's been really rough since Joey's been born. I guess you could stretch that further and say it's been rough since I have been pregnant. So...it's been a little bit shy of 2 years of it being generally "rough." It fluctuates, but there's just this general malaise that lingers and is really unpleasant. 

It looks like things are about to change drastically in that regard, so woohoo!

Here is an update on all the goals that I had made for myself in May/June. 

1. Apply to Grad School : Everything is done except that I need to finish my writing sample, take the GRE, submit my scores, and pay the fee. But all the other paperwork is done, which is great!
2. Garden 2019 : I planted it. Lots to say about this, but in a nutshell, I've decided that while I'm in grad school, we are going to sod over the vegetable garden, dismantle the trellis, and not have one.
3. Take the GRE : I've been prepping for it a lot, especially the past week. I was supposed to take a mock test this morning (it was in my scheduled study plan) but Danny convinced me that it would be better for my health if I slept in as late as possible; that I'm going to do just fine, and so I should stop stressing so much about it. It will be okay if I just put it off a bit.
4. Taxes : Long since finished.
5. Friends : haha. This is such an embarrassing "goal." It is also really difficult to quantify. I decided that in Q3, I will restate the goal to be a little less stupid.
6. Grundbücherbuch : Waiting on edits from Lukáš. 
7. CGSI : I totally failed at all of these goals. But they still want me involved, by some miracle. So, yeah. Onward.
8. Get Skinny Again : weaning is the answer to making all the weight just fall off. Basically, when I'm not breastfeeding, I feel about half as hungry. 
9. Boston Temple Painting : It's at an okay stopping place for now.
10. Čeština : lots of false restarts, none have really materialized.
11. Czech Out Your Ancestors : I didn't do anything and didn't even feel guilty about it.
12. Exercise : I've been walking and running consistently for the past week or so; it significantly affects my mental health. Will keep it up.
13. Joe's Wedding : it was awesome!
14. Kate Expectations : I've written a lot of pathos-laden poetry for it. I think there's about 50 poems so far? 
15. My Calling : finally, finally, after a very long time of waiting, I have some direction. I have a checklist of items to do, and I'm working through them. That's a good feeling.
16. Cousin Book : I keep meaning to start this thing, but I haven't so far.
17. Home Church : We do this consistently, and well. 
18. A Year of Questions in the Book of Mormon : I'm behind, but I did type up all the questions and I've been slowly attacking them.

For Q3, I am going to revise my goals. Here they are:

1. Grad School Preparations - Take the GRE, finish applying to graduate school, get accepted, enroll in classes

2. ENGL 510 - this is a prerequisite class for many of my other classes which is only offered in the Fall. I will take it in Fall 2020, but I want to be able to prove that I am capable enough to take other classes in Spring 2020. I bought the textbook and plan to work my way through the exercises. Also, it's really fun. 

3. Maintain a Strict Morning and Evening Routine for My Mental Health

I think my days would be smoother if I were to be able to follow a routine (not necessarily on the dot by time, but generally in the same order every day). Basically: 

Morning

- wake up early

- go for a walk/run (this is crucial to do early because a. it's hot and b. I don't like doing it with five kids)

- read scriptures

- work on Czech

- take care of household stuff (dishes, breakfast, chores, laundry, etc.)

Evening

- get in bed at 10:30

- lights out by midnight (or earlier). This will allow me a generous amount of time to read, which I really love!

4. Talk with someone on the phone who is not Danny every single day. This is easier to quantify than "friends." It's also going to be hard. But probably fun.

5. Writing - I want to write 2,000 words every single day. I have a jillion writing projects in the works. It doesn't really matter which one I work on, but I want to reach that wordcount quota, at least for Q3. Then we'll reevaluate. I can (but don't have to) start writing with a "warm up" exercise. 

6. Grundbücherbuch - keep plugging along. I would like to get through chapter 15 but a lot of this depends on my collaborator.

7. CGSI marketing goals - I made a list. I guess I will start with that.

8. CGSI Lincoln Conference preparations - Quite a lot to do there.

9. Asynchronous Book Club - More on that later. Or maybe not. It's almost too nerdy to speak of. 

10. Czech A4 - finish it! Design A5.

11. Kate Expectations

12. My Callin

13. Cousin Book - have a list of all of my cousins, Danny's cousins, and their contact information by the end of Q31

14. Home Church - keep pressing onward

15. A Year of Questions in the Book of Mormon - catch up completely, start gathering stuff for self-publishing it as a journal-y type book, because why not. That's fun.

16. Czech Out Your Ancestors - start blogging there again, and update the Facebook page

17. That should be a movie! - finish season 1, finally! Publish this sucker :-) Record episodes for season 2, streamline the process a bit.

18. Cookbook Project - this has been in the works for about 6 years. I should actually sit down and DO it. I might want to find a collaborator.

19. Classics - start reading classic lit with the kids. We have been doing this for a while, but I want to continue, and maybe make a list of it somewhere.

20. Financial Aid - apply to lots of grants and scholarships for graduate school. Maybe create some kind of quota. 

21. Wean Joey - I'm on day #4 of that. I've been so dizzy today. It feels kind of horrible. But in other ways, it's like I took a giant chill pill. I feel SO much less anxiety, it's almost comical. <-- this goal is the reason why I think I might be capable of completing (or getting a very big head start on) some of these projects in the next three months. First of all, the regained time. But most of all, the regained self. I can already feel my body starting to feel more normal again. Normal hunger levels. I didn't have a panic attack in four whole days. My hands didn't shake. I feel like I look skinnier (though that might be an illusion). I feel much, much more relaxed. Just...dizzy. But that will go away with time. 

It also feels sad, but it was The Right Thing To Do, and I really value doing the right thing, so I'm not going to waste my time crying about it.

Very much.