Household Management for the ENFP mom

I love to plan. I love it when I finish what I start, and succeed. As a "p" (perceiving - according to myers briggs, it means being a starter rather than a finisher) most of my plans do not succeed. Most of my plans do not last longer than the planning stage.

Don't get me wrong; I actually finish lots of projects, but this is almost certainly due to the fact that I start many, many, many more. The ratio of finished to unfinished projects is insanely unbalanced. The sad fact is, my natural tendency is to see the potential in everything, which can be so distracting that I either forget or become bored with my previous plans.

In a nutshell: routine is the enemy. The second something starts to seem like it might become routine is the second I start to plan a new approach.

It can be a great blessing. I think that being so flexible to change actually helps me a lot in my parenting; it is easy for me to just go with the flow and take my cues from the kids as to what the next thing will be. Everyone is getting restless - let's go to the park! Everyone is cranky? Let's feed 'em and put 'em in bed STAT.

I am a decidedly top-down learner. This is probably why I enjoy and excel at learning languages. My intuition goes into overdrive and I rely a lot on context (tone of voice, gestures, what I think someone in their situation might say). I have an unfair advantage; I just dive in, fearless. It's fun. It's interesting. After all, conversing with another person is about as routine-less as you can get. Even if it is small talk, it's still new, fresh, and exciting if you are doing it in a different language. It's also a game of acting and imitation.

This also helps me a lot in the realm of family history research. I don't get knocked over by the fact that I can't find what I want by going to the way that I want; instead I try a different way. I can use my intuition to guide me to where to look next. There is nothing mundane about genealogy research; basically every time you answer one question, another ten come up. I thrive on this kind of discovery. It's very exciting and fun.

However, when it comes to household chores, this love of change and flexibility is, to understate, not good.

I can't seem to implement any of my household maintenance plans. Let's face it. At the stage of life where I am, I do most almost all of the running-the-house work around here. This is not a complaint! Budget, laundry, cleaning, childcare, more laundry, cooking, butt wiping, and even more laundry....Since I am motivated mainly by excitement, fun, and novelty, that means the laundry won't get done unless I make a conscious effort to do it.

My conscious efforts in the past have always failed after two weeks because they become boring. Routine. Ugh. That would be a good name for a mommy blog; rage against the routine.

It's interesting to me that watching my kids isn't like this at all. I suspect it is because for me, childcare (of preschoolers) is more of fuzzy routine than a set schedule with times. Literally, every day we do things in the same order. You probably would get bored if I shared that order (I mean, I would get bored writing it!), so I won't. But the thing is, there is a ton of variety. For example, my kids never, ever nap at the same time. It's always at the same place in the schedule, just not at a certain o'clock.

It's not possible for me to make a schedule for myself for chores, but I am resigned to the fact that if I want anything to get done, I will have to stick to some routines.

Ugh.

Either I am doomed to have to come up with a plan every two weeks (except, these plans only work if while I make them, I envision that they truly will last the whole year long - or at least months and months! And the end result of this failure is, well, exactly that: the miserable feeling of failing. Which sucks) - OR...I can exercise the smidgen of "j" realism (judging: for all you non myers-briggs savvy people, this basically is the attribute of the finisher. Getting things done, knowing what you can realistically accomplish, and then doing it) - and create and implement a plan that will work.

After years (literally) of trying to do this, I am attempting once again this latter option. Maybe it's naive of me to cling so tightly to the belief that there has got to be a system out there that works for me. But I definitely believe this is true.

This time, my attempt involves a much freer "template." After hours of searching and searching online for a system that somebody else has created that will work for me for my style of household management, I discovered the sad truth.

I will have to make something myself.

Ugh again.

So, I have set out on a quest to design the perfect household management system for myself. I will work this year on perfecting the system, and next year I will work on making it extremely beautiful with lots of awesome graphics, printed charts, etc. I'm actually extremely excited about it - that is - planning it, and then having it. Doing it? Still working on that.

For the past year, I've done a great job at meal planning. I always write down the plans for our dinner. But I never stick to what day I planned them for. This allows me to feel "free." It's the perfect compromise. I had been writing these out on index cards, and it worked great.

Except that I always lose the stupid index cards.

So after a year of the index card system, I threw up my hands and bought a really cute small notebook with three sections. The first section is for meal planning. I figure that I am a lot less likely to lose a notebook than a small piece of card stock.

When I plan my meals, it looks like this:

Dinners for the week of _____
Fri
Sat
Sun
Mon
Tues
Wed
Thurs

SNACKS
1.
2.
3.

LUNCH/MISC.
1.
2.
3.

Notes, things I intend to make ahead, etc:

The cooking week starts on Friday because that is payday. I'm always a lot more excited about cooking when I go grocery shopping. And it's always a lot more exciting to go grocery shopping when there is money. Makes sense.

I have found that if I plan for every single meal, it is not only way too much food, but it also drives me insane. I can't handle it. Usually lunches are quesadillas or pbj sandwiches for the kids, and a gigantic salad for me (and the leftovers of whatever the kids don't eat, so basically two halves of a pbj sandwich.) I have to plan lunches a little bit, or there isn't enough. Three has worked very well. Same with snacks.

Note that there is a big space for random notes etc. I think this is good for me. With this area for freedom, there is a chance the system will work. I like to make some things ahead - like granola bars or whatever - and it takes time. If I plan it, life is much better.

On the back of the page is the place for my thoughts on what went well, or what I need to change. Basically it is a space where I can plan the planning. I'm very good at this, it is interesting, and it's fun. If I build in space for it in my system, maybe I won't abandon the system when I'm craving change. I hope.

The next section in this small notebook is for CHORES.

The way this looks is:
Chores for the week of ______________
Friday ❑
-
-
Saturday ❑
-
-
Sunday ❑
Monday ❑
-
-
Tuesday ❑
-
-
Wednesday ❑
-
-
Thursday ❑
-
-

Honey-do List
1.
2.
3.

Other/Misc./Infrequent Chores/Weird things I have to do sometimes:
-
-
-

Notes/etc.

*TIP FROM A FRIEND:

Next to each day, except for Sunday (day of rest - sort of. When you have three toddlers, the reality is there is no such thing) I have a place for TWO chores. Instead of creating impossibly long, optimistic, unrealistic to-do lists, I have limited myself to two chores (outside the daily seven) - one in the morning, theoretically, and one in the evening. I should be able to handle that, right? Right?

The little check box ❑ represents the "Daily Seven."  I found this lady's blog to be very helpful. In her opinion, there are seven things you have to do every single day to keep your house running:
1. Make all the beds. Easy.
2. Take out the trash: She says to take out all of the trash, I just gather the places where it is full. Or gross.
3. One full load of laundry: to me, this means do all the steps, but not necessarily to the same exact load. Like it is okay if I wash and dry a load, but fold and put away a different load.
4. Keep the kitchen sink clean: I should be more like my mom on this one. But mainly the goal is to have it clean by the end of the day. I'm not so picky about there being dishes in there during the day.
5. Clean up after yourself: this is the hardest one for me - because I am a slob. Basically, if I ever think, "Oh I'll pick that up later," I will know, "NO I'm supposed to do it RIGHT NOW."
6. Bathrooms: basically, do a quick wipe-down of all the bathrooms. I struggle with this. But it is much more sanitary.
7. 10 minute declutter before bed: this is a cinch if I get somebody else on the phone. Then it's done really quickly without me even realizing I was working!

Next, I have a honey do list. There are some chores I just really don't do. Like changing light bulbs. Or...yardwork...bahaha. Danny likes me to have these written down.

Again, the same section for notes/observations etc. I think building it into the system is a good idea for me. I really like meta-planning. I think this proves my craziness, but whatever.

Then there is a TIP FROM A FRIEND. What I am hoping is to gather tips, insights, and positive, encouraging thoughts from friends to splatter throughout this notebook. Encouragement and positive peer pressure are highly motivating to me.

On the back of each page is more room for meta-planning, journaling about the experience, what I should do differently, etc.

The final section in this notebook is for my personal scripture study. For the past little while, I have been doing it in a totally different way than just reading through from beginning to end. Instead, I write down a question, and then I open the scriptures (or general conference talks, or whatever) to a random place, and I try to find the answer in what I am reading. This has been a fun, interesting, motivating way to stay diligent at reading the scriptures. It's almost certainly not going to work for most other people. But I think other ENFPs (or other intuitives - like Danny and I love to read scriptures this way! It starts some of the most fascinating discussions!) will like it. Anyway, I have several places where I do this - in my bed in a notebook, on my phone wherever I happen to be at, in the kitchen in this household management notebook - on a random post it note...I wanted a central locus for the questions. At the end of the year, I want to index the questions in some kind of order. Then I can look back and add to the answers that I get, and make myself (and my progeny) some kind of really awesome, spiritually uplifting book that means something to me. That's the idea. (see how good I am at coming up with great, inspiring, involved ideas?  We'll see if it comes to fruition)

The rest of my household management system involves a three ring binder with lots of plastic folders. The sections are:
Important Info - in case of an emergency, babysitter contact info, etc.
Calendars - preschool schedule, library schedule (theirs, not mine - we never go to the library on anything like a schedule. It's always, "Hey, I feel like going to the library! Let's go!" It's nice to know if it will be open or not though), etc.
Chores - Interconnected Menu Plan templates, recipes for homemade cleaners (dude. They work so much better than the crap you waste your money on at the store, and they are so much cheaper - this should be a separate blog post), etc.
Exercise - thus far, blank
Preschool - and also blank

Oh yeah, there's also a little pouch thing for a tiny little notebook for where I write my grocery list and keep pens, so that there is always one. Also candy, because that is good to have around sometimes. There's also my motto for this next year of my life, that I wrote on an index card. I should write about that in a separate blog post though.

The final thing in this whole gigantic home management extravaganza is a separate notebook that is solely for writing down the cute things that my kids do/say. Otherwise it just falls through my brain like sand in a sieve and is lost forever. It's so nice to have these little things written down. Keeping this notebook open on my kitchen counter ensures that I will remember it. Actually, all of these binders are just open, or laying around, on my kitchen counter.

Don't worry, my kitchen counter is already cluttered. A little more clutter won't matter, and the fact that it can help remind me of all the stuff I need to do makes it more than worth it.

This was a long brain dump. Sorry for so much info. I have been using this system slightly longer than a week and it's worked so far. I will let you know how it continues to develop. I have been thinking really hard about what motivates me, what works, and what always bombs. I feel confident that this could work. It's likely to work for a little while, at least, if only because I actually spent some money on myself by picking the pricier, cuter notebooks/binder. Ha!

So, what do you think? What do you use to manage your household responsibilities? Do you have a binder, and if so, what is in it? What are your tips for getting the chores done in spite of the toddlers?