I end a 3+ month facebook/NPR fast

Everything Old Is New Again.

Apparently 6 years ago I wrote this and never published it. And even back then, I was into blogging and sometimes taking a facebook fast. I bet the prophet will ask us to do that again this year.

But apparently this was before I decided that 90% of the content on the Mormon Channel (bwahhahahaha now it's changed to The Latter-day Saints Channel, as of like two weeks ago) was either overtly or subtly irritating and not really serving me to listen to it. It was also before I found BYU Quarterly, which is a scholarly source for interesting church history information - too bad none of it in audio format :-(

So here's to the Old Kate, looking forward to future.

***

When I was 15, I told myself that I would not get married until I was 27. I think the reason I thought this was in part because there were so many things I wanted to do, and I was afraid of ending up a naive housewife. For the record, even at that point in my life, I didn't view housewivery as automatically naive. I just could sense that I wanted to have some adventures.

Wayne, "Yeah - like go run around Europe and tour Jerusalem or something."
Me, "Actually, I did both of those things."
Wayne, "No, really?"
Danny and I just laughed. Yes. Really. I did.

Three days ago, I turned 26. I have almost been married for five years, and I have three kids ages three and under. Ha!

It turned out that being a housewife is actually much more fun of an adventure than I could have ever understood at the time. It is not really fair to compare my current self to my immature 15 year old self; I can say that I am much happier now than I could have ever dreamed possible to be. And that is the real goal, anyway - to be happy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yesterday I ended a "facebook fast." From July 31 to Nov 6, I avoided facebook. It was the thick of election season. I have friends and family in both political camps. It was becoming extremely negative. I felt really crummy. It was sucking up my already extremely limited free time.

It was not only a facebook fast, but an NPR fast. They were both so depressingly negative.

Honestly, it was difficult at first, but I was surprised at how easy it became. I learned many things, such as:

• I was in closer contact with all of my family. This was a shocker because I thought I used facebook to stay in contact with them. But I think the truth is, I used to pretend to interact with them, when I was really mainly linking people to interesting things on the internet.
• I didn't miss it as often as I thought I would.
• Important news always got to me (Hurricane Sandy, for example)
• My foot in mouth disease had far fewer flare-ups!
• To fill the void that these activities (especially NPR) created in my life, I started listening to things like Disney Radio on Pandora, and the Mormon Channel. They were both much more uplifting to my spirit. 
• The atmosphere of my home distinctly changed for the better. 
• I don't want to go back to the way things used to be. I much prefer getting a constant stream of interesting gospel-related topics than news. I prefer singing and dancing in the kitchen with my whole family to songs we all know (I can't tell you how hilarious it is to hear a two year old boy sing "hakuna matata!"). I want to keep this.
• I loved how I felt when I typed "f" in the search bar and the first thing to pop up was "familysearch.org" instead of "facebook.com." This made me feel like a super awesome person.

I don't think avoiding facebook completely forever is the answer. And I also think it is important to stay abreast of the local and national news, and even to listen to some analysis of it. But, returning to the world of politics and people, I think I will do things differently.

First, my purpose in my life right now is to be a good wife and mother. Facebook can kind of be a black hole, sucking me away from my kids' childhoods. I want to be present in their lives, not just the babysitter on the computer chair that makes sure the house doesn't burn down. 

To be a good wife and mother requires me to wisely choose where I invest my time. This mean I need to set specific limits to my facebook and NPR time. I don't really think they should be so much quantitative limits as qualitative ones that are flexible to change. Here are my current ideas:

• How is this feed making me feel? The most negative experience for me during my pre-fb fast stage was reading the posts of my friends, and friends of friends etc. There was so much negativity, from all sides and spectrums. So much meanness. So much bullying. I really didn't miss it. As I've started re-reading feeds, I've noticed it hasn't really gone away. It would be really fabulous to make a perfect newsfeed, with just the people I love and agree with. But I don't think that's the answer, really. I think it has more to do with choosing what to look at. I don't have to read every person's status update. I used to fill my I'm-really-bored-and-need-to-read-something-for-two-minutes blocks of time with reading fb feeds. I think I prefer playing words with friends during that time though!
• Would my parents do this? My in-laws and parents are really good at being socially aware. They don't want other people to feel awkward. My philosophy in college was, "If something is awkward, it will alleviate the awkwardness by talking about how awkward it is, because then the talking about it will be MORE awkward, and make it less awkward in comparison." No no, Kate. That is too complicated. It is much better to just avoid the, "I wonder what will happen if I post _____ online..." 
• Why am I listening to this? If I just need something to listen to while I do dishes, or so I get some adult brain stimulation, the void is best filled with uplifting, inspiring, and interesting topics. AKA: the Mormon Channel. If I want to listen to a specific show, or I specifically want to hear the news, then it would be great to hear the news!
• What notifications do I really need? My smartphone is awesome. But in the past day since I have logged on to facebook, it has been having a heart attack, vibrating every few minutes with status updates and stuff. I think it would be better if I ignored my notifications (except maybe messages?) and allocated specific time (or times?) in the day when I allow myself to sit down and look at them. Like during breakfast. Maybe I should eat breakfast with my children, but...I think it's okay to leave them to chow down on their cereal for five minutes. I sit, eat, and "converse" with them for two other meals every single day; and breakfast is literally the only time in the morning when I can have a moment to myself. Maybe during the beginning of nap time? Maybe after Danny gets home, so I can have a break? Maybe when Danny is putting the kids to bed (his idea - he prefers to do this - after all, he doesn't really see them most of the day!)? I will have to experiment.
• Is this an evil person? The thing that stinks about being an ENFP is how to handle severing ties to caustic people. First, to recognize that the person is caustic, or evil, or mean, or whatever - is extraordinarily difficult. I'm more prone to smother than to actively avoid someone. But the truth is, there are people who I interact with (amongst my thousand something friends - yeah - I don't really remember who everybody is...hmmmm) who I need to just unfriend. I think that is something I should probably sit down and do. Or turn off their notifications. Or whatever.

The other thing that I was surprised to feel is a strong (very, very strong - when I get feelings like this, it usually is some kind of divine directive pointing me down a path I need to take) desire to blog. I'm not sure why, or what this blog will become. But I do know that I want to avoid negativity. I want my blog to be about truth and happiness. I don't want to kvetch. I don't want to nag. And I don't want to advertise my craftiness. I want a good, interesting, well thought out, spiritually uplifting venue where I can unravel my mental tangles.Writing appeals to the extrovert in me; it is a place where I can just think out loud. 

I would like to write more about where I got the title for this blog, but I need to go take care of a diaper. I hope this was interesting to you.