Baby vs. Big Girl

Jane and I started having a conversation about the difference between being a baby and a big girl.

Babies

(pros)

• Don't get in trouble for making mistakes, because they don't know any better
• Don't know how to talk
• Can cry and whine without getting in trouble because that is the only way they know how to talk

(cons)

• Have to take lots of naps
• Can't choose what clothes to wear
• Can't choose what food to eat
• Have to eat lots of mushy food and drink lots of bottles with milk
• Are only allowed to play with boring baby toys, like rattles

Big Girls

(pros)

• Can take rests instead of naps
• Can choose what clothes they can wear
• Can choose what foods they can eat
• Can eat tasty food
• Can drink out of cups instead of bottles.
• Can play with fun toys like dress ups, cars, and draw
• Can talk instead of whine

(cons)

• You have to take care of your toys
• You have to be obedient
• You have to be obedient quickly
• You have to be kind to your brothers
• Sometimes things don't happen the way you want them to, and then you just have to say, "oh bummer."
• Need to use words instead of crying for things you want

Now that we've had this discussion, which I really thing she "gets", when she starts whining or throwing a tantrum, I will ask her if she is acting like a big girl, or like a baby. If she is acting like a baby, then I will treat her like a baby, and put her to bed. But if she wants to be a big girl, she will stop crying and use her words. 

This is just a huge, massive process. I think the main mistake that I have made so far has to do with toys. Even if Jane can play with them, I can't expect her to be able to prevent her brothers (who definitely cannot) from playing with them. That's not really fair, because it's really difficult to play AND protect at the same time. The mistake I made this morning was with crayons. Jane wanted to color. I let her have a box of crayons in the play room, and let John Rex play in there too, so I could go change an exploding diarrhea diaper (Dan's). I came back to John Rex crouching on top of the table with a crayon in his mouth, and crayons all over the place, and Jane oblivious. 

So basically, "big girl" toys will have to be supervised until the baby is a big boy. Except like...dress ups. But even those - yeah. This is basically one of the difficulties of being a parent to three small kids. The toys have to be less than or equal to the level of the youngest child at home. Maybe it would be more difficult, though, if I had an 8 year old who loved legos, and an infant at the same time. Except the 8 year old is more capable of cleaning up legos than my 3 year old. I've been at peoples' homes where the 3 year old is the baby. 

Kind of sad that she doesn't get to be the "baby" as long as she might have. However, looking at those pros/cons lists, I definitely think that being a "big girl" is well worth giving up some of the pros of being a baby. I could make the same list comparing "big girl" to "mom." It's definitely worth it to be a mom, some of the pros I get. Mostly having to do with my own expanded ability to choose for myself.

My thoughts on Blog Sponsorship

A friend was recently offered $25/month for a sidebar ad on her blog. She asked peoples' advice on whether or not she should take it, via her facebook wall. I advised her not to, but I was the only one to advise "no way!" This blog post is my way of smashing the other peoples' arguments without doing it to their face. It's also written for myself, because I would be in the same exact position as my friend: torn, wondering, frustrated. Except that, because I have three kids, I don't blog enough anymore for people to want to pay me to do it, haha.

Are you going to grow it?
Two words: Opportunity Cost. A new project means time and effort taken away from current projects. In which case, her current project is motherhood. When I try to to monetize my many skills, I always fail. Genealogy Consultant! Etsy! Amazon Associate! Arabic Translator/Online teacher! Fail, fail, fail. I'm just not in the place in life to be successful in these ventures. I don't have a predictable schedule. When I am supposed to be on duty at home, I need to be 100%. If I were to devote my life to these kinds of money making ventures, I would literally have no "me" time, which would drive me to a sleepless insanity. I feel frustrated because I can't put in the time and effort required to do the job well. It's just pathetic.

After praying about one of these failures, I felt a comforting reassurance that this is not the time for me to do these things. Heavenly Father wants me to focus on my home and kids right now. It was a great feeling, like permission to say, "I could do that...but...NOPE, I'm not gonna."*

On the flip side: I know of a family where the mom and dad quit their jobs and became stay at home coupon bloggers. I have no idea how lucrative it is. I'm sure there are ways to step outside the box of the 9-5 job (for us it is more like 6 am-5:30 pm, sigh). Maybe you are different and can do it. If we had a chance to become millionaires in a non-conventional way and retire by 35, we would take it. But in the mean time, would we live our lives as stress balls, with no time for family, sanity, or sleep? Opportunity Cost. For me, I can't handle the opportunity cost involved in selling myself to an advertiser.

*This asterisk is to ensure that anybody who reads this knows that I am fully aware that this feeling that I received was for me, and may not apply to other peoples' situations. Maybe Heavenly Father actually does want my friend to monetize her blog. Who am I to say that isn't possible? Again, I want to point out that these arguments are mainly for my self. Why I shouldn't accept a blog sponsorship.

Save it for the baby's college fund!
$25/month. $300/year. The kid is 1 year old. That would make $5,400 in 18 years. Even if you invested all of it and gained interest, it would be kidding yourself to believe that it would make a big difference in the amount you would need to save to send a kid to college. That amount is enough for one semester at BYU, including books/room board, TODAY. In 18 years, what will the prices be? This can't be your only plan for paying for the kid's college.

You can just add a small disclaimer under the ad!
"Hey guys, this is an ad that I'm getting paid for. But I really still am writing with my original voice! Don't worry, it's just to help pay for my kid's college." If I read that on a blog, I would roll my eyes, or laugh out loud. Lies, pathetic ones - to herself. You CAN'T maintain your voice if you sell it, even a small part of it, to an advertiser. I would probably think, "Wow, I wonder if her husband is doing okay financially that she would turn to her blog to save money for college." Which of course, is insanely snooty. But come on! It is just way too much information. And transparency on what is sponsored and why you are doing it doesn't mean transparency in what you truly believe. When you sell your voice, it may be impossible for you, yourself, to ever know your own beliefs with certainty again. [Breathes deeply] okay, that last statement was a little paranoid. But not far from the truth. I don't want to be paid any amount of money to not have my voice.

Then again, I am an ENFP, like Ariel. What was her main trial? Getting her voice stolen. So...you might be different. ANOTHER reiteration that this blog post is mainly written to myself, why I should not accept such an offer.

Later, it will be off, and so to her it won't matter!
As in, the blog's goal is to be a record for the kid, and later when she reads it, we can remove the ad, and she won't ever see it. But my point is that your voice will change, and you may not be able to even recognize that change. You won't ever be able to remove that, infused as it will be to the body of your posts.

It's free money! 
Hasn't anybody ever told you to be wary of this phrase? There is NO such thing as free money.

I'm sure you could maintain your same voice.
Well, I'm not. You can't. Sorry.

Giveaways and Sponsored Posts are annoying...but you don't have to be.
This argument is irritating to me because it points out the major flaw in sponsored blogs, admits that they are obnoxious, and then challenges you, the great blogger, to do better. To rise above the obnoxiousness by being different - because surely you, great you, could rise above normal! You are capable, you can do it! Flattery much? Sorry, no, you can't. A true (smart) friend wouldn't goad you this way. When you sell your voice, you sell your voice. That means that your voice is not yours. I hope we can agree on this.

I'll concede that there are varying levels of obnoxiousness on a blog. But taking this bait is sure to lead you down the path to a crappy, annoying blog. Not to mention slavery to somebody else. When they are buying your voice, you will have to sell it. It no longer is a blog for yourself. The motives are different, and in blogging, motivation is everything.

Would receiving money from an advertiser interfere with the way you write your blog?
This question is a step in the right direction because it recognizes the core issue: your voice. However, this question is not intelligent, because the answer is obviously, "YES." Advertising is about encouraging/persuading an audience to continue or take some new action. When you accept money from an advertiser for putting a small banner on your blog, your blog becomes an ad. I don't see how you would be able to not know that small fact while you are writing your posts. You will wonder to yourself if you would have written that, without the ad, or if instead you should write something different. My friend will wonder, at least, because she is thoughtful and intelligent.

Conclusion: if you are a really dumb person with a dumb voice, you can accept blog sponsorships and not be affected by them. Just don't expect me to have any interest in reading your dumb blog.

Over time, perhaps, she would stop wondering about her motives for writing whatever. But that is exactly what the advertisers desire. A seemingly innocuous inlet to the inner sanctum of blogging for self/family. They want to get in. They want to invade our minds like in "Inception," use the subconscious acceptance of the product by a friend to convince us to buy, buy, buy. It's pretty disgusting.

ADDENDUM:
This is probably really going to peeve off some people, because it will seem hypocritical. But, the exception to blog sponsorships, in my opinion, would be google ads. If you monetize your blog with google ads, I think you *might* be able to maintain your original voice. Why? You have no connection to the product. It may be different for each viewer on the blog - it may just have to do with what you chose to post about, but seriously, the person paying you is not the person making the product. A check from google is not the same as a check from zulily. You don't know what google was selling on your blog. It's like you were selling ad space, and that only. It's not the same, in my opinion, as establishing a connection with a specific company with a product/service. They will buy the space on the side, but that is not their main goal. Truly, what they really desire is to buy space in your blog, where they can cause you to convince others to buy their products/services. It will be subtle, and it will take time. But doing that will make them so much more than getting a few clicks from the sidebar. What they are buying is YOUR OPINION. Your readers will think, "Oh, well, my friend loves this, I should love it too!"

Because, honestly, real bloggers use blog readers, and will never even see your ad.

So, to my friend: feel flattered that advertisers realize how great an influence you have on the world. Acknowledge that they are right, that what you say does have a powerful, meaningful influence on others.

And then, just walk away.