A Letter of Forgiveness to My Culture

Why I am writing this:

Holding on to these nasty negative feelings about my culture is not good for me. Nobody wins a prize for being a martyr. I will feel better if I let go of my anger and turn it over to the Lord. This is the point of my religion.

I'm not going to let go of my desire to fix the world and make it a better place for my children, but I do not think the vitriol, hatred, disgust, or loathing are helpful. I don't need to be a bitter man-hating woman to improve the world.

I will have to revisit this later when my feelings have deepened and matured. Right now I don't have a lot of nice things to say, so it has to be short.

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Dear Culture of Mine,

You know we've had a rocky relationship. Even now I find it intensely difficult not to write snide and insulting things about you. When I think more deeply about it, I realize that most of the things that are difficult for me to understand and appreciate about you are not your fault, they are caused from the fact that this is a fallen world outside the presence of God. Aren't all your other brother and sister cultures equally flawed, then? Why should I especially hate you more?

I shouldn't.

There are some things about you that I prefer to any other culture around. But this isn't a list of your pros and cons, it's an offering of forgiveness, and a clumsy one at that. It would not go over so well to a human.

Here goes.

I forgive you for objectifying me and the women (and also the men!) around me. I will never agree with it, but I know that I simply don't need to hold onto this feeling anymore. I can take my anger and observations and place them on an altar of sacrifice for somebody much more qualified to deal with.

I forgive you for the pain and suffering you've specifically caused in my family and also generally caused all around me.

I don't understand you perfectly, but I know God does. I have faith that God is powerful enough to fix massively broken things and make them perfectly right. I also have faith that God cares about all the things I care about, and I care deeply and intensely about making you right. I care about fixing you, but I definitely cannot do that alone, nor can I be as effective as I might if I were not burdened down with these intense feelings of malice towards you.

I am not actually sure if this letter will "count" as forgiveness. Or count "enough." I am not sure if going through the motions of saying you forgive someone or something for a deep wound or wrongdoing they have inflicted upon you is enough. I haven't had a lot of experience with dealing with the forgiveness side of the repentance coin; I know repentance works, and that the motions matter. But to forgive feels hard because I am very hesitant to "give up" my intense emotions about a cause and conviction which I know are right.

The thing is, I don't have to give up my willingness and desire to cling to my ideals and strive to improve you moving forward. This forgiveness is also not going to suddenly give you free reign to do whatever you want to me; I'll continue to maintain a healthy distance from you, but I will also no longer have to carry the hatred in my heart.

From time to time, I will have to come back and reread these words, reconvincing myself that they are true.

I know that Heavenly Father has the power to forgive, and also the power to help me forgive. I'm pleading for him to give me some of this power. I think it is my right to claim it as his daughter. It is a promise he gives to all his children everywhere, through the atonement of Jesus Christ. Not only can we be forgiven every time that we repent, but we can also have the capacity to forgive others even when they don't. The wrongs will be made right somehow. I don't know how, but I have faith that it works. I cling to that faith.

Culture, it seems you'll never repent, and I'll have to live with that fact for a long, looong time yet.

I forgive you anyway.

Sincerely,
Kate