Why would you choose to live in hell?

I don't really believe in hell, or at least the traditional version of it.

It's just too ludicrous. Satan and his devils with horns and pitchforks surrounding some giant lake of fire and brimstone. This is, quite literally, the stuff of comic books.

Ludicrous things are quite often very funny, and I can't help but laugh at this, nor its caricaturesque counterpart of pearly white gates guarded by Saint Peter (I guess that's the stereotype? It's not even really "a thing" in my own personal religious/cultural experience, not even in jokes), a befuzzled God with a halo and white robes, bunches of winged angels standing around on clouds and playing harps - etc. But right now I want to talk specifically about damnation and hell.

The scriptures are full of references to what at first glance is something similar to the above depiction of hell. Here are some examples:  "A lake of fire and brimstone, whose flame ascendeth up forever and ever and has no end" (2 Nephi 9:15-23) or the beast from Revelation being taken and "cast alive into a lake of fire burning with brimstone" (Revelation 19:20) or how, "upon the wicked he shall rain snares, fire and brimstone, and an horrible tempest: this shall be the portion of their cup." (Psalms 11:6 even though I don't really like the Psalms that much yet) - or in reference to the days of the Lord's vengeance, how the "streams [of Zion] shall be turned into pitch, and the dust thereof into brimstone, and the land thereof shall become burning pitch." (Isaiah 34:9) Later, how "the fearful, and the unbelieving, and all liars, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie, and the whoremonger, and the sorcerer, shall have their part in that lake which burneth with fire and brimstone, which is the second death." (Doctrine and Covenants 63:17).

And, just because I am pretty sure you probably just skimmed the above paragraph, know that the point I was trying to show was that images of a brimstoney hell are completely laced throughout the scriptures.

But I'm sure it's not literal.

I am also quite sure that this particular kind of hell as described is not a post-final judgment experience, but rather, that we experience this when we are separated from God.

Like, now.

During our every day existence.

Brimstone is sulfurous. It's this nasty smelling stuff present in hot springs all over the "Holy" Land (I personally think this title for this land is the biggest misnomer of all and wrote a tiny bit about my time in Israel here, though it is highly abbreviated and doesn't really express this idea perfectly - but the unholiness of the holy land deserves its own rant, not here, not now). It is mentioned in the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah and other various cities throughout the Old Testament. It's a symbol of God's displeasure and anger.

Does God's anger only come upon us after we are dead and judged for our actions?

No way.

If the God of the Old and New Testaments and other books of scripture is real, for sure he interferes with our lives while we are yet living. Or at least, he has with some people, and certainly has the power to interfere in our lives, even though that might seem difficult to believe in our "modern, educated world" that is allegedly devoid of angels, communication with God, revelation (hint hint: it's not devoid of those things!).

The meaning of "damnation" has changed over time to imply something final. But in the past, and in its use in the scriptures, it actually described the state of being that is the opposite of salvation, which we know exists in various degrees. It's a spectrum, guys - which means it's infinitely personal. That's the only way it makes any sense. If you are not "saved" then you are "damned" - i.e. hindered in your progress and privileges. But precisely where you're hindered totally depends on you, yourself, where you choose to be on the spectrum of salvation.

And it really is up to you because salvation itself - the possibility of being saved - is freely given to all mankind through Jesus Christ.

It's for everyone. "He cometh into the world that he may save all men if they will hearken unto his voice; for behold, he suffereth the pains of all men, yea the pains of every living creature, both men, women, and children, who belong to the family of Adam. And he suffereth this that the resurrection might pass upon all men, that all might stand before him at the great and and judgment day. And he commandeth all men that they must repent, and be baptized in his name, having perfect faith in the Holy One of Israel, or they cannot be saved in the kingdom of God." (2 Nephi 9:21-23)

Basically: Jesus Christ, aka God himself, came down to earth, lived a perfect life, suffered individually for our sins (I referenced my time bubble theory in this post - I really don't know how this is possible, but I have a big imagination and God is all powerful so I can just trust/believe that it is), and all of us - EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US including nonbelievers, sinners (ahem that's all of us), murderers, etc. - Every single human that has ever lived and ever will live will be resurrected into a perfect physical body, which is very different from what we experience in this life (I reference my displeasure at having to live in this crappy human frame in this post as well).

I know we will all be resurrected, and that after resurrection we will be judged.

If we want to receive salvation, i.e. be saved, the steps are clear: repent and show your faith by being baptized. And then continue to walk on the covenant path. Keep going. Keep repenting. Keep showing your faith. Keep growing it. Keep fighting the good fight.

The scriptures talk about two different, distinct kinds of death: physical death and spiritual death (or sometimes called "the second death"). Physical death is when our spirit is separated from our bodies. You know, the death we always think about when we hear the word "death."

But the other death is when our spirit is separated from God. This is "spiritual death." Because of Adam and Eve's choice in the garden of Eden (well, however literal that story is - which is also a totally different topic for another day), we have the possibility to experience both of these kinds of death. We make our own spiritual death by what we do, what we think, and our daily actions. Paul talks about this, by the way. "Some are "dead" while they "liveth"" (1 Timothy 5:6).

"And if they will not repent and believe in his name, and be baptized in his name, and endure to the end, they must be damned; for the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has spoken it." (2 Nephi 9:24)

Clearly, this scripture infers that you can be damned while you are still alive. You can choose to separate yourself from God. You can feel great agony and misery now. You can choose these things.

But why would you?

Does that make any kind of sense?

If you had the chance to be happy now - wouldn't you take it?

I think the Old Testament in particular talks a lot about damnation and hellfire and that kind of stuff for this reason: it works. Nephi, who lived about 100 years after Isaiah (so, right in the thick of this damnation and hellfire rhetoric. Yay ancient Israel and the Mosaic law - not! So glad I live now, not then) talks about how it works, about how he continually had to preach to his people in this way.

I am not sure that this rhetoric of damnation and hell works so well today because it has become such a caricature that it is almost impossible to think seriously when confronted with it. It's easy to be dismissive of this image. And it's also easy to think, "well, a loving God isn't going to be this way." It almost sounds like some kind of temper tantrum - that's how I would describe how "God's anger" seems to me when I am not thinking introspectively and seriously about what a paternal kind of anger that is fully justified and real must actually be like.

But the thing is, I have a firm understanding of hell as guilt, hell as anxiety, hell as the feelings of anguish and nastiness that well up within yourself when you willfully separate yourself from God. I understand that and experience it. It is a constant struggle to me to repent.

Hence why I go to church. At church I can literally be "baptized" again - except it's not through baptism, but taking the sacrament. A symbolic gesture, a physical way of re-covenanting with God, recommitting myself to try my best to do his will. 

The "chains of hell" are metaphorical. They are the feelings which overpower us and bind us to misery when we choose not to repent and come unto Christ, and accept the salvation he's willingly offering us. The scriptures talk about how the devil will "rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good." (2 Nephi 28:20) He also talks about how he uses other strategies like pacifying and lulling us into carnal security - i.e. a state of not caring about anything. Or how he flatters us and tells us that everything we hear about religion is just one big lie.

It's not a lie.

Salvation is free.

We can turn ourselves - our problems, our worries, our anxieties, our fears, our physical suffering and pain, our personal individual hell that we naturally and willfully create for ourselves - over to God. We can ask to be forgiven, and he will forgive us.

Because he loves us.

Do you really think that a loving God would make a plan whereby the majority of his children would not receive salvation? Does it really make sense that we are here and then our bodies get old, decay, crumble, and eventually rot away - that all of this is meaningless and we have no reason to hope or to try to become the best kind of people we can, and to create the best kind of world that we can? Is our existence puny, pathetic, and meaningless or are we joint-heirs with God, with the possibility of exaltation and limitless creative powers (!!!!) and glory? What makes sense? Everything around us testifies that God is real and loves us.

If infinity is real, in one of the infinite possible scenarios that could exist, God must be found in one of them. Why not in this existence?

Why not search your feelings and find a space to trust that God exists and loves us? Even if it weren't real, faking it would make you happy.

How much more so then if it were real?

It is real!

We bring hell upon ourselves when we willfully turn away from God. Sometimes this is not really our fault (see Limited Agency Theory). I have firm faith that God will judge us fairly, and that we will all end up somewhere on the spectrum of salvation, limited in eternal progress only by what we ourselves fairly and rightfully choose. So let's choose God!

I think that it should be very easy for most of us to understand what faith looks like in a digital world. We engage in this kind of action all the time. We post things out to some Great Unknown Nether - a black hole - a nebulous connected labyrinth of wires and electricity connected all over the world (well except maybe not North Korea) - with a firm hope that somebody out there will read what we have to say. That our message will make it to its final destination - but even more specifically, that it will be understood by the recipient. I feel especially close to this metaphor of faith being like digital communication because I love to blog and I love to interact with far away, distant friends who live on the other side of the world yet somehow, for some reason, seem to really get my mind (Nowadays I feel that I could probably end that really lonely poem in that aforementioned post with, "oh! Right there!").

But even if you're not a blogger, I mean, we all send emails and texts and write social media posts all the time. We never (or hardly ever) see the recipient open them. We just know they will be read. We know that someday, what we write will be received. We trust that it will be understood, and perhaps even reciprocated.

Faith is just like this, only it's not about typing on a keyboard but about prayer. But even if you can't or won't bring yourself to like, kneel and pray, either silently or aloud (and maybe you're limited, and it's not your fault that you can't do these things), you can still direct your thoughts to the possibility that God loves you (ha! Just by reading this I tricked you into doing so! Master Manupulatrix mwahahaha). You can direct your curiosity and wonder towards considering that God wants you to be his, that you matter, that this world and this life matter, that there is meaning. You can, in your mind and in your heart, start to think about these things.

After you think about these things, you can wonder to yourself if they could be true. You can pretend that they are true for just a moment, and this is how: you can create the words in your mind to ask God for yourself if they're true.

And he'll answer you.

He speaks your language, and I'm not talking about crippled languages we can speak.

I mean he knows exactly how to communicate with you so that you will understand and get the message he wants you to have, and because he loves you, he will!

I had a dream the other night which was a great comfort to me. (By the way, apparently this is the way that I best communicate with God, perhaps because it is the only way that I will shut up enough to listen? Or - perhaps because I think in really strange metaphorical ways, so a dream with completely unrelated images can end up making sense to me, carrying a precise, direct message straight to my heart. Also, I'm not insane: I am fully aware that my dreams are not all divine. Sometimes they are just random neurons firing. But I really have experienced, and quite recently, an assurance from God that he cares about me, given to me through a really personal dream that I just know would make sense to nobody else, therefore it is not worth typing out for the world to mock.) 

Just try it. What's there to lose but your pride, and in any case, isn't that something worth losing?

Limited Agency Theory

Latter-day saints should listen to deterministic atheists, because they might have some important ideas about God that we are missing.

(Then again, they might not, since it's pretty much impossible to describe a belief system around what one does not believe. And since atheism is in no way whatsoever any kind of organized belief system, it's hard to make generalizations about what one does or does not believe. In every case, those generalizations end up being meaningless. But hey, it's a sufficiently hook-ing opening line, enough to raise your eyebrows and compel you to hear me out, which was the actual point of writing it!)

I am going to make the case that our agency on earth is far more limited than we latter-day saints usually tend to think, and that limited agency is actually a "tender mercy" - an individualized blessing directly from God that demonstrates His divinity and love for each of us on the most immensely personal level that is only just barely imaginable.

We know that what causes us to make choices is not always something within our control. I think that most latter-day saints will resist this idea, probably because we so strongly value our agency, but this is an obvious fact that we must all come to face at some point. Here are some specific examples:

• Parole is more likely to be granted to prisoners by a parole board who has just eaten.
• Mass murderer Charles Whitman had a brain tumor which undeniably affected his choice to murder his mother, his wife, fourteen other people (including a pregnant woman) and eventually himself.
• (halfway through the article, the guy is named "Alex") ...and this guy's recurring brain tumor also definitely affected his choices.
• You are more likely to buy products (or help people) when you smell something good

Here are some more common-sense, broad examples:

• We can't make choices for the people that we love. We can't force our children to behave, and neither can we force our siblings, parents, and spouses to do what we want them to do.
• We are born with a set of individual, unique DNA that determines all kinds of things about our physical body: now that I am born, I can't alter that DNA (well...maybe in the future that will be somewhat possible with DNA splicing, but...) to change all kinds of things about myself which affect me and the choices which I make on a daily basis.  
• So far as we know, we don't choose where we are born, to whom we are born, when we are born, the circumstances of our families - all kinds of things about our environment are the way they are, and they aren't ours to choose. Yet these have bearing on our choices and actions.
• I learn many things which I can't remember perfectly. I have to learn them over and over and over, and even then sometimes I don't really fully understand what I've learned. My memory (or lack thereof) definitely affects my agency.

Our environment and our genetics play huge, huge roles in the everyday decisions we make, and failing to admit that is pretty prideful, in my opinion.

I had an awful nightmare the other night, the specifics of which are just a little bit too personal to recount. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but it is truly horrible to wake up and then feel worse. In this case, the thing that was so horrible was a significant loss of my own personal agency, which also had to do with my memory. In my dream, I had no memory of x happening to me, but then I discovered that it had, and I was livid. I am not exactly sure what is the role of memory in relationship to agency, but it has to be connected in some important way.

On Sunday I got up and bore my testimony of limited agency being evidence of God's love for me. I testified to a group of 200-some-odd people that I strongly believe that God designed the exact circumstances of my life - including my environment, my DNA, all these things that work on, pull at, tug, and often limit, my personal agency. If this life is a test, which I believe it is, then the maker of the test knew what He was doing. He wasn't going to give me a test which I would definitely fail. In fact, because He loves me, and wants me to succeed and pass the test and return to live with Him again, this test He gave me has the greatest chance for me to succeed. Therefore, the circumstances which limit my agency are evidence that He thought them through beforehand, and it's okay to let go of some of the piles of typical Christian guilt that we (read: I) so often lay upon ourselves (myself) over our (my) human condition.

The test is simple: will we follow Jesus Christ?

We probably don't talk that much about our limitations because it would be really easy to make it sound like an excuse to sin. After all, if we don't have agency, or if it is severely handicapped - if all my choices were predetermined - then what does it matter if I become a whore or rob from the bank or willfully murder somebody or...? I do still scratch my head to observe my friends who do not believe in God or consequences of life after death, who are still very devoted to following their own moral codes, most of which intersect very closely with my own. Why? I know that keeping commandments very often results in temporal blessings - like, if you don't sleep around, you're way less likely to get an STD, for example. But if I did not have a strong belief in God, I imagine I would justify my sins a whole lot more and be much less apt to make righteous choices.

(This, by the way, is probably why a loving God put me into a latter-day saint family. He designed the test so that I would have the best chance to succeed. But I digress.)

Also we are limited as to our knowledge of our limitations. Sometimes we know them, but other times we actually don't. In a way, it is good for us to not preoccupy ourselves too much with thoughts about our limitations, again, to avoid making excuses for not choosing the right. 

To paraphrase a conversation I had recently about a person who was really getting on my friend's nerves:

My friend: "Do you think that someday, after we die, I'll get to talk to him and this condition of his will be removed, so that we will really be able to talk and I'll really be able to understand him?"

 

Me: "I think...I think that is what it will be like for all of us, actually. I think after we die, and are resurrected and receive perfect bodies, with perfect brains, we will finally, finally be able to successfully communicate. I think we all have some kind of "condition" - not just this person, but you, me - everybody around us."

I like to think this conversation was a great comfort to my friend. It's comforting to me that I don't have to bear the burden of all my awkwardness alone.

Christians in general also probably don't think a lot about the limitations of our agency because we've been told we won't be given trials that are too much for us to handle (except for like, the trials which cause us to die, I guess). Still, for people like me who are more apt to lament the fact that we are so imperfect, I think recognizing that my limitations were predetermined is a hugely comforting reassurance. It gives me permission to trust that things will be okay in spite of what it seems. Deterministic atheists inherently believe this. Things are the way they are, and that's okay. It's as it should be.

Elder Hales said, "Agency permits us to make faithful, obedient choices that strengthen us so that we can lift and strengthen others." I think if we had perfect agency we would be able to successfully do that perfectly at all times. In other words, I strongly believe that the difference between mortals and God is that God has perfect agency and we don't yet. Because we are limited by our knowledge, we don't have the perfect ability that God has to minister to others. The point is that we should always strive to be more godlike, in spite of these limitations; this is why the Christian message is so often completely centered on what we can do with our agency, which is to repent and to come unto Christ. This theme must be repeated several thousand times throughout all the scriptures, both ancient and modern.

I think 2 Nephi 9:25 is evidence supporting this, "people have limited agency and that's okay," theory. Basically, here Jacob suggests that if there's no law, there's no punishment for x, and without punishment for x there's no condemnation for x, and without condemnation for x, the mercy of God through the Atonement of Jesus Christ covers x. What is x? All of the pain and suffering humans have ever felt but not been accountable for, either because they were pain from our human condition, or pain from sin for which we weren't fully accountable because we didn't have the knowledge (aka the law) - or the capacity to have that knowledge.

Later in the chapter is that verse about the vainness and the frailties and the foolishness of men, for when they are learned they think they are wise and hearken not unto the counsel of God. Why should latter-day saints assume that this knowledge does not also include gospel knowledge? For my entire life I have felt like as saints, we assume that because we have the restored gospel we have perfect agency. 

We definitely don't. 

Our agency is definitely limited still because we are human. We should take a page out of the deterministic atheist's book and recognize that our agency is limited, and what a blessing from God that it is. I don't think I'd do very well in a test of perfect agency. I'm not there yet.